


I wanted you to stay (but you are always leaving)

by Effymaybe



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Side Chaesoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-07-19 04:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19967959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Effymaybe/pseuds/Effymaybe
Summary: Jennie knows that, in theory, there is almost absolutely no way that her childhood friend who lived a house away in the middle of Korea is now handing a macchiato to a costumer in a coffee shop in New York. But there she is.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that was supposed to be way shorter, but I grew fond of it. Very classical, lots of real feelings. I hope you enjoy it at least a little bit.

Jennie is sitting on the grass, leaning against a soft figure whose warmth seems to envelop her entire body.

There are lean arms secure around her waist, filling her with a calm she's not sure she has ever felt.

There are a few trees around her, pink and purple flowers blooming between emerald leaves.

She has never seen trees like those before.

She feels a soft breath tickling the skin of her neck, lovely, making her shiver just lightly.

She's not cold.

The sun is coating the skin that her t-shirt and shorts reveal tenderly, the sky above gradually changing its light blue for faint tones of purple.

Jennie doesn't move.

She is tempted to turn her head around, itching to find out the identity of the person who's making her feel so serene, so fulfilled.

She discovers quickly that she can't.

She orders her body again and again, but her attempts are useless.

She knows she should be worried.

But the purples are getting deeper, marvelous, and the arms around her body tighten just a bit, Jennie's heart warming up suddenly.

She looks towards the horizon and thinks.

This warmth...

It's not her boyfriend.

The thought almost makes her frown.

 _Almost_ , because her mind is clouded with pure satisfaction, too elated to be bothered.

She wants to feel guilty, and she almost manages to do so, a light uncomfortable feeling attempting to settle in the middle of her chest.

But it doesn't last long.

The person who embraces her decides to snuggle the tip of their nose in her neck, leaving feathery traces that makes the brunette close her eyes unconsciously.

Jennie feels the sudden urge to purr, and she's not too sure she's not doing so at the moment.

It's so, _so_ good.

It's perfect. 

She _really_ wants to turn around and see who's making her feel so much blissful.

But suddenly, the deep purple seems to consume everything.

-

Jennie wakes up startled, her heart beating at an abnormal rate. 

Saying that she's confused would be an understatement.

The soft, thick blankets on the bed cover her body reaching past her shoulders, but she feels an uncomfortable cold breeze that makes her frown deeply.

The memory of her recent dream is still clear in her head: the warmth, the sun, the velvety feeling against her neck.

It should be strange. She knows.

But it isn't.

Jennie is abruptly brought back to reality by a loud ring that makes her frown immediately.

She reaches out with her left hand to tentatively look for her phone on the top of the night table. She struggles for a bit before grasping the device.

Jennie answers the call almost unwillingly. She is starting to feel a bit warmer.

"Hello, Jendeukie", a raspy voice greets her. Jennie scrunches her nose. "I'm just calling to tell you that I'm sure you didn’t forget that we agreed on having breakfast outside in fifteen".

"Huh, of course I didn't, Jisoo", the youngest brunette answers as she frantically moves the blankets aside to stand up.

"I bet you didn’t. So, see you in thirty?"

Jennie sighs in defeat.

"Please".

She hears a light chuckle at the other end of the line and feels slightly better.

"Alright, Jennie, but you pay this time".

Before the brunette could protest, Jisoo ends the call.

Jennie is not in a position to be actually offended, so she just keeps moving almost desperately around the room until she's ready to go.

 _Twenty-five minutes is not that bad_ , she thinks.

Before leaving home, she checks her phone once again.

Nothing.

She purses her lips slightly and opens the front door. 

-

"So I just told her that her way of teaching was _questionable_... it's not like I insulted her or anything, I just suggested that she might not be of help in class... which she's not, of course, as you well know. Anyways, she answers with a raging mail full of big words poorly used that she could've easily replaced with expletives, honestly, and the message would've come across just fine..."

Jisoo interrupts her own ranting to stare at her friend, who's looking absently at a cherry blossom outside one of the windows of a random café they picked after deciding that it was too cold to keep walking around. 

It is quite a cloudy day, pale grey coats the street outside, and Jennie just seems to fit with the gloomy atmosphere too perfectly.

"Jennie? Are you here, mate?"

The brunette blinks quickly, slightly startled, and nods a few times before speaking.

"Yes. I'm listening. You told Ms. Han that she was a terrible teacher and now you are never passing an exam again".

"Yah, Jennie! I'm sure we'll figure it out. I mean I will, she's clearly not the brightest out there. Which I could deal with, obviously, if she at _least_ was a decent human being".

The shortest simply smiles at the comment, and it's enough for Jisoo to realize that something must be definitely _not_ going well.

"Jen?", she calls her friend softly, her head slightly tilted, "What's wrong? Something happened between you and Woojin?"

Jennie's eyes harden at the mention of her boyfriend. 

"Nothing happened", she answers, her voice unusually laced with ice.

Jisoo stares at her.

Cold Jennie is deflecting Jennie.

The younger brunette rolls her eyes at the silence that follows her statement. She knows that her best friend can read her like a book.

"Nothing happened, I mean it. Absolutely nothing. So much so, I haven't heard of him since Wednesday".

Jisoo puckers her lips lightly.

That boy, honestly...

"Have you tried to contact him?"

"I've texted him, but got no answer", Jennie sighs, "He does this when he’s busy and I should be accustomed already, but it still angers me a bit".

"Of course it does, Jennie, he's your boyfriend. I think that you being a bit angry is just natural".

The tallest girl stays silent for a while, her gaze lost in the sight outside the window once more.

"Jennie".

Jisoo is looking at her with eyes full of concern.

Her friend is not too pleased.

"Why do you keep dealing with him? You deserve much better".

The brunette clenches her teeth briefly to avoid tears to reach her eyes.

I hurts.

"Because... I know things can be better".

"They _could_ Jennie, if he wanted them to be. But I don’t think he does. Are you even still in love with him?"

Jennie opens her mouth, her answer almost rehearsed, but she finds herself unable to speak.

She blinks quickly, surprised of herself, and struggles to find her voice.

"I... I think so. Yes”.

Jisoo furrows her brows deeply, but Jennie interrupts her before she can get scolded.

"Just... drop it for now Soo, can you?"

The shortest girl bites the inside of her cheek.

Jennie _never_ pleads. She went too far.

"Fine, but only because I need an ally to defeat Ms. Han. Right now, the odds seem to be on her side".

The brunette chuckles, letting her shoulders relax a bit.

"Of course odds are on her side, Soo. She's the teacher. She can make you fail as many times as she wants".

Jisoo scoffs.

"I'll find my ways. Evil never wins".

Jennie can only laugh again.

Jisoo always manages to surprise her.

-

Back home, many hours later, Jennie is changing into the soft pajamas her grandmother gifted her as a birthday present, ready to finish the day.

She has eaten lunch with Jisoo too, and she's been laughing hard enough to make her head pound a bit.

Nice food and nice company are often all she needs to feel pleased enough to sleep peacefully, but as she lies on her bed and covers herself with her multiple blankets, Jennie doesn't expect to get much rest.

She checks on her phone yet again, one last time, just to be absolutely sure.

Nothing.

Jennie lets the palm of her hands rub against her face almost roughly.

Why does she have to be so clingy?

She lets her body roll on her side, uncomfortable.

She unsuccessfully tries to stop her mind from drifting to moments when she felt face, secure, when her smile always reached her eyes and her hands didn’t feel so damn cold all the time.

But memories don't warm her heart.

She forces herself to keep her eyes closed, the fingers that almost tickle with the need of reaching out for her cellphone grasp the sheets tightly.

Only when twenty minutes pass and she is still restlessly pretending to be closer to falling asleep, Jennie lets herself dive in the memory of the only moment in the day when she felt truly unpreoccupied.

The dream.

She lets herself think about soft hands, and comforting arms, and velvety lips.

She lets herself think about the feeling of the sun coating her skin, about the elating feeling of a full heart.

And just like that, she begins to drift off, her head finally easing its pounds.

Outside, the moon shines behind the clouds in an almost supernatural way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add that none of the extra characters of the fic are based on real-life people. Names were just picked by myself. Enjoy your day! :)


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm going to be uploading a chapter every two days because I'm really busy :( Hope you enjoy it nevertheless!

Jennie is lying sideways on a soft piece of fabric placed on top of tons of pale sand.

Just in front of her, the already golden sun is setting slowly, melting into the sky-blue mattress that extends beyond.

The sea is calm. Waves meet each other almost romantically, producing a sound that takes Jennie back to the time she used to spend at her grandmother's house, spending hours and hours swimming and letting the sun kiss her skin.

Behind Jennie, there's an almost-too-familiar warmth.

She can feel a slender arm embracing her waist lightly, with the solely purpose of reaching closure.

There is a light pressure on the side of her head, which Jennie supposes is produced by her companion’s nose. When they nuzzle against Jennie's neck lovingly, her assumption is proved correct.

Jennie is absolutely content.

She feels the arm that was hugging her waist moving slowly, and Jennie almost whimpers in displeasure, but careful fingers running through her hair make her relax again.

Facing her, the sun keeps departing, the sky becoming a mixture of oranges and purples.

There is a sweet scent lingering in the air, mixing with the freshness of the sea, and Jennie just know it belongs to the person that now has decided to trace their nose up and down Jennie's nape, making her heart flutter inexplicably.

Despite the beauty of the sight, Jennie closes her eyes.

She kinda feels like floating.

When her companion begins tracing the pad of their fingers softly against Jennie's hip, the sun is merely a shiny crescent.

Jennie's heart suddenly feels heavy.

She knows her dream is coming to an end.

She tries to turn around, she _really_ tries, but her body stays stubbornly in the same position.

"Will I see you again?", Jennie can only ask.

A brief silence follows, but she's sure she hears her companion taking a short breath, preparing to finally speak.

Just when she's about to get an answer, the sun hides completely.

Everything turns yellow.

-

Jennie wakes up with a loud groan produced both by the fact that her alarm seems to be ringing particularly loud that morning and also to the annoying interruption of her dream.

She's unusually cold, and she discovers that at least two of her beloved blankets fell onto the floor during the night.

That means that besides her lovely dream, Jennie must have had at least a nightmare. 

She frowns.

Jennie tries to shake it off as she takes her hand out of her soft fort to look for her phone placed on her night table.

She almost groans again as some frosty air makes contact with her skin, so she makes an extra effort and quickens her movements.

She checks her messages almost distractedly, the memory of her recent dream still lingering in her chest.

But her thoughts still as she reads her most recent notification.

_Woojin <3_

He texted.

Jennie needs to check on the notification at least twice in order to convince herself that her boyfriend had, indeed, texted her.

She takes a deep breath before opening the message.

Somehow, she feels quite unsure.

_Hey. I got caught up with some things._  
_I'll probably be busy this week as well. Rough month._  
_Maybe we can hang out later._

Jennie has to make a great effort so as not to provide an answer full of expletives.

 _It is a rough month_ , Jennie thinks, bitterness running through her veins.

When the sudden rush of anger begins to wear off, she just looks blankly at the screen, the text still on the screen as if proud of itself.

Jennie decides not to answer.

She doesn't seem to make good decisions when irritated.

Instead, Jennie checks the rest of her messages to find a ridiculous good-morning video courtesy of Jisoo and some too-grammatically exact texts written by her mom.

As much as she does need a dose of laughter at the moment, Jennie finds it weird to receive a matutine text from her mother, so she checks it first.

_Hello, honey._  
_I was wondering if you could look into your collection of old pictures and find the one that I took of you and grandma that time at her house._  
_You know, the one in which you two look so much alike. You were about ten years old._  
_I need to prove a point._

Jennie rolls her eyes good-naturedly at the last comment, not even bothering to ask her who is the next victim of her mom’s widely-known tantrums.

She texts back a simple greeting and states that she will try to find the picture as soon as she fully wakes up. Then, she allows herself to chuckle at Jisoo's joke, which she just knows was her best friend's attempt to brighten her day a bit.

Jennie makes a pause before getting up from bed.

She looks at her boyfriend's text once again and tries hard to ignore the fact that it was sent at three in the morning.

When she feels her eyes prickling a bit, she puts down her phone and moves aside the blankets that cover her body.

It's not worth it.

-

Jennie is in her bedroom, sitting leg-crossed in front of a bunch of pictures she found in a paper bag at the far back of her meticulously organized closet. 

There are way more pictures Jennie expected to find, the process being long but actually pleasant, since the photographs let Jennie bring back all the memories immortalized in them.

Right now, the cat-eyed girl is holding a quite rusty polaroid in which both her parents are squeezing a seven-year-old version of herself between their tangled arms. It's quite cute, and the thought of her parents' seemingly undying love makes her smile softly for a moment before feeling an uncomfortable tug at her chest.

She puts the photograph on top of the pile she's already analyzed.

She doesn't like to cry in the morning. She has classes later.

Jennie keeps finding pictures she's surely forgotten about: one of herself in a very cheap princess costume, standing proudly besides an asymmetrical lego castle; one of a family vacations in The Philippines, her dad's torso almost shinning in a red tone that can't possibly be healthy; the one she took herself of her childhood pet showing off his puppy eyes after completely destroying her mother's wedding dress...

Until she finds it.

Not what she was looking for, but something else.

Jennie gasps softly, unable to help herself, and her heart quickens his pace.

An approximately sixteen-year-old Jennie is standing in the backyard of her old house, her right arm thrown around the neck of a taller girl, big smiles adorning both faces.

Jennie holds the picture almost reverently in front of her eyes, memories flooding back, making her feel almost dizzy.

_Lisa._

-

"I can't believe school is finally finishing next week".

Jennie's body is lying on the softness of the grass at the back of her house, her head comfortably held up by Lisa's tights.

The taller brunette is running her hands through Jennie’s hair, just the way she likes it.

"Finally", Lisa answers just above a whisper, almost scared of disturbing her, "I just want to paint as much as I want".

The shortest brunette opens her eyes to stare at her best friend, and gifts her a smile.

"And spending time with me, I suppose".

Lisa grins softly.

"Of course, Jen", and then she adds, "Who would pamper you if I don't?".

The teasing tone Lisa uses should be enough for Jennie to avoid the blush that threatens to cover her cheeks, but it doesn't.

She shifts her body, clueless as of why she's suddenly feeling uncomfortable, and her words leave her mouth before she's able to control them.

"Hopefully some boy, considering that I've been single all my life".

The short silence that follows is kind of heavy, and Jennie feels the way in which Lisa's hands hesitate a bit between her hair.

"Well, you are sixteen, Jen. I think nobody expects you to be a walking encyclopedia of relationships".

Jennie allows herself a slight chuckle, silently relieved.

She looks back at Lisa, who stops petting her hair to use her hand as support to lean her body back. She lets her fingers caress the wild flowers growing among the grass.

The shortest brunette feels the urge to entangle her hand with Lisa's.

She doesn't.

She has done it billon times, but at the moment, it just doesn't feel right.

"So, your plans for this summer are painting, listening to some depressing music, and letting me drag you to all shops I want to, right?"

Lisa raises her eyebrow teasingly.

"Probably... and dying my hair".

"Oh!"

Jennie moves quickly to sit in front of Lisa, her cat eyes shining with interest.

Lisa needs to remember herself how to breath properly.

"Really? What color?"

"I'll go blonde, I think. I don't know if it would suit me, though".

"Ah, don't be ridiculous Lisa. Have you seen your face? You can go back to the haircut you had when you were twelve and you would still look gorgeous".

Lisa shoves Jennie playfully, her cheeks slightly blushed due the compliment.

"Besides, I really think it would look great on you. I can see it".

The tallest brunette looks at her friend for a second, her heart maybe too full against her chest.

Jennie doesn't talk either, letting herself enjoy the sudden burst of happiness.

"Will you come with me?", Lisa asks.

Jennie snorts.

"As if I wouldn't be calling the hairdresser _myself_ ".

Lisa shows a beaming smile that has Jennie grinning in the same way.

Everything is just so easy when Lisa is around.

-

Twenty-three years old Jennie sits on her bedroom floor with her eyes full of tears.

The memory is bittersweet now, and it reveals all the feelings she has been keeping inside for longer than she even herself knows.

She feels a bit lost suddenly, as if unsure of what to do next.

Jennie glances at her cellphone.

Maybe...

She looks at the picture again, and denies with her head.

She doesn't deserve it.

The brunette needs to think for a moment to remember the purpose of her search.

The only picture left is facing the floor, and Jennie picks it up almost incredulously.

But there it is.

She's standing just besides her grandmother, both showing exactly the same gummy smile to the camera. Jennie's grandma is holding her tightly against her body, her right arm securely hugging her torso, and present-day Jennie smiles at the sight.

Her mother loves her photo, and she now does too.

Jennie takes a look at her wall clock and is almost surprised at the time. She rushes to put all the rest of pictures inside the paper bag, but hesitates when she holds Lisa's picture.

Finally, she puts it on top of her bed.

The brunette quickly sends her mother the picture she requested, and she immediately begins to prepare herself for the long day that awaits.

Already dressed, the stylish bag she bought at a ridiculous price on her shoulder, she checks her phone once more.

She sighs before typing.

_Alright. Don’t worry. Tell me when you are free._

She stares at the screen a moment after hitting send.

It doesn't feel right at all.

-

Jennie comes home feeling even worse than before leaving.

The back of her eyes hurt as much as her shoulders, and a feeling of bitterness is stuck at her throat.

Ms. Han was especially snappy that day, and Jennie is not sure if it's due Jisoo's not-so-cordial email or if one of her hairless dogs got sick yet again.

The brunette runs the palm of her hands against her face.

Despite everything, she’s glad to be home.

She prepares a frugal dinner that she finishes at an unhealthy record of ten minutes and runs to the shower, her limbs aching uncomfortably.

It's quite late, and she really, _really_ wants to sleep.

After drying her hair, Jennie takes a deep breath and checks her phone again.

Nothing.

Her mother has answered her way earlier, commenting on how pretty their genes were and adding a ton of both on-topic and off-topic emojis.

But she has no news of her boyfriend.

Jennie clenches her teeth for a second, but doesn't do anything else.

It's useless.

She knows it because she has tried to do _things_ before.

The already familiar angry feeling settles back on her chest once again, and it palpitates steadily until she's about to finally lie on her bed, only to find the picture she previously left on top of her fluffy blankets almost waiting for her expectantly.

Jennie holds it as she gets inside her warm bed.

She feels her irritation diminishing as she lets her mind dive in other memories with Lisa, having ice cream at their favorite place, bickering half-heartedly over a card game, hugging without a reason under the miraculous winter sun.

When she feels herself dozing off, she places her picture on her night table.

Jennie closes her eyes, suddenly content.

She doesn't check her phone.

She falls asleep feeling surprisingly light.


	3. THREE

Jennie is lying on a soft surface looking intently at the sky.

Above, billon stars shine brightly, their glow glorious, unbothered by any source of artificial light.

The moon is full, porcelain white, and it stands proudly among the uncountable dots.

It's absolutely breathtaking, and it actually takes Jennie a while to notice that she's not alone.

Just besides her, her companion breathes evenly, their presence as warm and comforting as ever.

Jennie doesn’t even try to turn around this time.

Her eyes catch the sight of a shooting star soaring in the sky.

Jennie tries to think of a wish, but she struggles to find an appropriate one.

She wants many, many things.

And there are some things she's not even sure to crave anymore.

The brunette furrows her brow as she watches the celestial body still moving, almost in slow motion, and she doesn’t have a lot of time to think about the limited possibilities of staring at a shooting star for such a long time, because she feels her companion's hand taking hers with an almost impossible softness.

Their fingers interlock almost shyly, and Jennie can feel her cheeks heating up almost embarrassingly.

Her heart quickens its pace.

A nice, soothing warmth blooms in her chest, and Jennie feels herself smiling giddily.

Just at that moment, the brunette's companion starts rubbing their thumb against her hand.

Jennie closes her eyes for a moment.

When she opens them, the shooting star is still making its way throughout the sky.

Jennie breathes evenly.

_A whish_ , she thinks.

_What do I wish for?_

She feels a slender arm embracing her waist.

Jennie sighs.

A small nose traces her neck delicately, and the brunette relishes in the feeling the gesture produces in her heart.

When soft lips kiss her jaw softly, Jennie feels her eyes tearing up with contained emotions.

She watches as the shooting star gets closer to the horizon.

Jennie knows her dream is coming to an end.

So, she wishes.

And slowly, everything begins to turn space blue.

-

Jennie opens her eyes only to realize that she has been crying.

It doesn't matter much.

Her chest is still full with the emotions poured in her dream.

She lets a small noise escape her mouth as she stretches her limbs, reality starting to become more and more clear.

Jennie's happiness diminishes considerably.

As she finally gathers enough will to wake up, she spots the picture she left on her nightstand before falling asleep.

She stares at it for a moment before preparing herself for her long, long day.

She feels somehow reassured.

Jennie doesn't check her phone.

-

"All I said is that we are going to be business women, not prominent mathematicians. Most of what we pretend to learn in that class is never going to be applied!"

Jennie can only sigh.

The brunettes are walking around the campus, looking for a place where to drink the cups of unnecessarily expensive coffee they just bought.

"I know Jisoo, but you can't just go ahead and tell out teacher that her classes are useless".

"I didn't tell her so. I just... implied it".

Jennie sits on a free bench surrounded by red maples.

She tightens a bit the scarf that covers her neck, the afternoon cold starting to make its way throughout the clothing.

Jisoo sits beside her, happy both because of the end of one of her least favorite classes and also because of the prospect of the warm brewage finally heating up her body.

She smiles without realizing, and Jennie can't help but to raise an eyebrow curiously.

Her friend has definitely been extra content during the past days.

Jisoo catches the inquisitive gaze and gets a bit startled. However, her smile widens.

Jennie grins as well, a bit amused.

"What?", the shorter girl asks, her cinnamon-colored hair shinning naturally despite the outcast weather.

Jennie doesn't fall for the innocent tone even for a moment.

"Spill", she demands.

Jisoo shifts almost nervously, but Jennie can tell that she's about to deliver good news. She takes a sip of her coffee.

"I'm… _meeting_ someone".

The tallest brunette opens her eyes widely as her gummy smile makes its way to her face, her eyes starting to glisten with curiosity.

"Soo, that's great!"

She scoots a little closer to her friend, almost in a secretive manner.

Jisoo chuckles with delight, which gets Jennie only more excited.

The oldest girl has never acted so girlishly.

"Tell me everything about her. Is she nice? Is she smart? Is she cute?", she makes a pause and her expression gets a bit more serious, "does she treat you right?".

"Yes at the first three questions. Regarding the last one... we are just getting to know each other. Till now, though, she has been the sweetest".

Jennie seems pleased with the answer, as her smile returns to her face.

"She's pursuing a teaching career, ‘cause she loves kids. She's also a great singer. You should hear her Jen, she has the most beautiful voice ever", Jennie watches as her friend's eyes become more and more dreamy, "Oh! and she has the cutest laugh, and she always has something good to say about almost everything..."

"Oh my", Jennie states, fully amused, "you are in deep already, Kim".

Jisoo bits her lower lip bashfully.

"She's unlike anybody else I've ever met Jen, I swear. I'm kinda scared".

The tallest brunette tilts her head in surprise. Jisoo being totally smitten by somebody was a rare sight, but her stubborn self immediately admitting her fears was totally something else.

"I'm pretty sure everything will work out, Soo. For what I've heard, she's amazing. And you are amazing yourself, so there it is. Perfect couple".

Jisoo seems a bit more relaxed by the comment and she chuckles, a bit relieved.

"It's still kind of early to confirm that", she makes a pause, "do you want to see her?"

"Of course I do", Jennie replies immediately.

Jisoo looks throughout her phone until she finds a picture, taking advantage of the moment to enjoy her black coffee.

"What's her name?", Jennie asks.

"Roseanne", Jisoo answers, as she hands Jennie her phone.

The brunette raises both her eyebrows.

Roseanne is, indeed, very pretty. In the photograph, she's staring right at the camera, her pinkish blonde, long hair framing her face delicately. She has a cute, small nose and her plump lips trace an elegant smile.

Jennie nods twice.

A beauty that will combine just perfectly with Jisoo's.

"Seems like you got lucky, Kim. How long have you known each other?"

"For like, three months by now. I saw her picture on social media and asked her about the top she was wearing".

Jennie smirks.

"Lame, I know, but it worked, didn't it?"

The tallest brunette denies with her head.

"Only _you_ could make that work. Anyway, why am I finding out about this just now?"

Jennie's tone is only a bit accusatory, so Jisoo knows she's not in great danger.

"I didn't know if my poor flirting skills were going to actually work out, and besides, things didn't get truly beyond _friendly_ until two weeks ago".

The brunette hums, putting her hands inside her pockets after finishing her latte in small sips. It's getting cold.

They stay silent for a while, both lost in their own world, Jisoo thinking about warm, chocolate eyes and Jennie struggling with the uncertainty of her own feelings.

She looks at her friend, Jisoo's gaze still soft, and smiles slightly.

"I'm happy for you, Soo. I really hope you find what you've been looking for".

The shortest brunette looks at her.

"I want you to be happy as well, Jen".

Jennie's smiles falter a bit.

"You know we can't have everything".

Jisoo decides to let it go. She knows Jennie all too well to spot when she's not feeling like sharing her thoughts.

"Alright. Lovely to spend time with you, not so lovely to get sick by spending extra time in campus. I want to go home and keep scheming ways of pissing off Miss Han".

She stands, followed by a laughing Jennie.

"You are seriously getting stuck this year".

"I'm Jisoo", the brunette states proudly, "I'm fine".

Her friend just smiles.

-

Jennie tries unsuccessfully to put her hands even deeper in the pockets of her Chanel peacoat as she makes her way home.

She's walking quickly, her glacial gray scarf now up to the bridge of her nose, as she scolds herself silently for choosing not to bring gloves since they wouldn't look good with her outfit.

She couldn't care less at the moment.

Jennie's gaze is fixed to the floor, and she walks in front of the many shops she sees almost every day of her life.

There is no reason then, to lift her eyes at that exact moment and watch throughout the window of the small café she noticed in one of her many walks to campus.

But she does.

And the sight makes her stop dead in her tracks, her eyes widening and her heart almost bursting out of her chest.

She blinks, astonished, because there is _absolutely no way_ that her childhood friend who lived a house away in the middle of Korea is now handing a macchiato to a regular costumer in a coffee shop in New York.

But there she is.

And she's wearing the dazzling smile Jennie just knows perfectly well, her bright grayish-blonde hair just reaching past her shoulders, and she suddenly turns her head to (Jennie just knows) make a corny joke to one of her workmates that makes herself chuckle in the sweetest way possible.

Jennie is frozen.

She stares throughout the window with her mouth open and her eyes glistening, and she has never felt so absolutely lost in her entire life.

Lisa is there.

Lisa is just some meters away, gorgeous as always.

Memories flood back, overwhelming Jennie, who is torn between running into the shop to engulf Lisa’s body into a crushing hug and just sprinting home to lock herself in her bedroom for hours.

When Jennie is able to snap out of her stupor, she thinks she sees Lisa staring somewhat in her direction.

So she panics.

And she chooses the second option.

Before being able to think about it sensibly, she finds herself running home.

-

Jennie closes the door of her apartment with a thud, her heart still beating at an uncomfortable pace.

She feels dizzy, and her hands are shaking slightly.

Jennie chooses to believe it is due the cold.

She simply stands in her place, her ideas begging to be organized, but all Jennie can think about is in the fact that Lisa, childhood Lisa, her Lili, is so, so reachable, and that she has probably been for quite a long time now.

She feels even _stupid_.

Jennie rubs her eyes with the back of her fingers.

She needs to sleep.

She needs to sleep many, many hours in order to be able to reflect on today's events.

The brunette looks through her fridge to find something edible.

She finds an acceptably interesting show to occupy her mind with while eating, but it's kind of useless.

After washing the dishes, taking a shower, and changing into her pajamas, Jennie keeps thinking about Lisa.

She's actually about to sleep when she spots, once again, the picture that she found the day before. She stares at it for a moment, almost as if it was a magical item. 

Despite everything, when she lies in her bed, her mind becomes almost immediately hazy, the long, tiring day prompting Jennie to sleep immediately.

Before finally drifting off, a faint thought crosses her mind.

She checks on her phone, almost without expectations.

Nothing.

She bites the inside of her cheek.

Maybe it’s for the best.

She can deal only with _one_ major issue at the time.

She tries to find stars shinning throughout the window, but the sky is still too cloudy.

Jennie's eyes begin to close.

She unsuccessfully attempts to keep the memories away.


	4. FOUR

Jennie is watching snowflakes fall throughout a wide window.

They fall slowly, pristine, and the brunette can imagine the white sheet that covers the floor outside.

It must be cold.

But inside, where she is sitting comfortably, it’s just warm enough.

Behind her, a soft body is holding her in place, secure arms embracing her waist.

Jennie can feel a squishy cheek pressing against the side of her head.

Just besides the window, hot, low flames burn in a stone fireplace. 

The setting feels almost magical, and Jennie thinks she can even smell the characteristic scent of chocolate chips cookies being baked.

She sighs softly, and her companion begins brushing their thumb against Jennie's right thigh in such a loving way the brunette catches herself closing her eyes involuntarily.

It's nice.

It's really, _really_ nice.

Outside, a cold breeze ruffles the leaves of the pines that surround the place.

Jennie guesses it’s still daytime, as the grey sky is still bright enough to allow her to enjoy the sight.

Suddenly, a soft voice fills in the silence.

Her companion hums delicately, almost as if afraid of startling Jennie, who can't help but to lean her body back a little more, feeling just gleeful.

Their voice is a _delight_ , and Jennie wishes she was able to ask them not to stop.

The brunette's companion doesn't, anyway.

They burry their nose a bit deeper into Jennie's neck, who can’t really complain about the lovely tune sounding a bit muffled because the caress feels just right.

When the song ends, Jennie opens her eyes.

The snow is still falling steadily, the fire still crackling.

But the brunette know that her dream is coming to an end.

And when she tries to speak, she is surprised to find out she is actually able to do so.

"I never want it to end".

Her companion doesn't answer.

But she feels soft kisses being pressed against her shoulder.

Gradually, Jennie closes her eyes again.

And it’s white.

-

Jennie blinks quickly as she tries to focus on the class.

It’s quite difficult, she woke up way before she was supposed to and she wasn't able to fall back asleep despite all her attempts. 

Sleeping issues aside, the current events themselves have been keeping her mind away from University for longer than she can recognize.

Jennie is just really grateful for her summarizing skills at the moment.

To be fair, the professor at the front does not create the most entertaining class dynamic, and without Jisoo, who was very adamant not to choose that particular class, murmuring sarcastic comments under her breath, Jennie finds it hard to pretend she's actually somewhat focused.

So she's glad when the overly formal man, sensing a general boredom, decides to finish his class a bit earlier.

The brunette has to stop herself from sighing in relief.

Just a minute later, she's already outside, a small, almost useless black leather backpack hanging off her shoulder.

Jennie feels the rare winter sun warming up her the cold skin of her face and her lips twitch in a genuine smile. 

It's still early afternoon, and the day is as warm as the climate allows it to be.

The brunette stretches her arms. The sunlight feels too nice to go home just yet, so she decides sit on one of the many white benches spread across campus.

Maybe she can even clear her mind a bit.

There are not many people around, probably lots of them still suffering in their respective classes.

Jennie lets her shoulders relax a bit, her mind still a bit dizzy due to the lack of sleep.

As catches the sight of a young couple talking close to each other with such soft stares they look as if they are going to melt, Jennie tries not to think about soft hands and the warm feeling that blooms in the deep of her heart.

She tries not to think about a melodic voice caressing her ears deliciously.

And she _really_ tries not to think about the fact that she still hasn't received any message from her boyfriend.

The brunette closes her eyes.

She can just foresee a serious headache coming later.

It's by chance really, that she just turns her head right then, trying something to occupy her mind with. It's a coincidence that in that exact moment, she sees a very familiar, tall figure walking across campus.

Jennie furrows her brows deeply.

Woojin.

He's taking long, fast steps, his hands deeply buried in the pockets of his jeans, and he occasionally turns his head to look back almost as if afraid of being followed.

Jennie stands instinctively.

She doesn't think much of it, really, her boyfriend has the right to go wherever he pleases, but Jennie is curious. It should be unlikely to find him in campus, considering that he attends a college at practically the other side of the city.

So she just watches as Woojin stops suddenly, looks around, and takes his phone out of his pocket before taking a turn and initiating his almost-tracking once again, this time right towards Jennie.

He walks just a few meters before he sees her.

Woojin stops again, his eyes a bit wide, almost scared, and Jennie raises her eyebrows, intrigued.

He walks slowly this time, very much aware that his girlfriend knows that he's seen her, and puts a slight smile in his face.

"Hi, Jennie", he greets when he's just some steps away from the brunette.

"Hi, Jin", she answers.

She instinctively crosses her arms. Her boyfriend flinches a bit.

"What are you doing here?" Jennie tries this time, her voice a bit softer.

An odd feeling presses against her chest.

It takes him some seconds to answer.

"Just walking around".

"Here? Isn't it a bit far away from your apartment?"

Woojin scratches his nose.

"Yeah... I was also hoping to surprise you, I guess".

He smiles, apparently satisfied with his own answer.

Jennie really, really wants to believe him. He wouldn’t lie.

"Oh. Thank you! That’s very sweet of you", she smiles a bit unsure, feeling a pang guilt in her chest, "Do you want to hang out for a bit, then?"

Woojin nods almost hesitantly as he takes a sit beside his girlfriend.

Jennie tries not to think about the fact that he doesn't even touch her.

"So, how have you been?"

The brunette almost cringes.

"Fine", she lies, "busy".

"Me too!", he agrees, the palms of his hands rubbing against his tights, "College has been crazy. And family... you know how mum can be sometimes".

Jennie prefers not to comment on the matter.

A weird silence follows.

"So, huh, February is coming to an end already".

Jennie wonders if the guy would take the hint.

"Yes!” he answers, as he lets his head fall back, "I can’t wait for this damn weather to be over, honestly".

The brunette feels her lips tremble.

She scolds herself silently for being so weak. She takes a look at her boyfriend, who is subtly texting with his right hand, almost as if trying to shield his phone from Jennie's view.

She sighs.

The minutes that follow are equally awkward. They exchange basic, general information as if they were acquaintances, and Jennie can't help but to think of a time when she was convinced that she could talk about absolutely anything with her boyfriend while feeling at a complete ease.

She tries to shallow down a bitter feeling.

When the brunette looks back at Woojin, he's already standing up, his face unable to hide an anxious feeling.

Jennie stands as well.

"I'm sorry, Jennie. I have to work in a project with one of my classmates. It's a harsh one, you know?"

The brunette doesn't know.

She doesn't feel like asking, either.

"I'll see you later. I promise I'll text".

He doesn't wait for an answer, and hesitates a bit before leaning forwards to catch Jennie in a hug that felt more like a polite gesture than a demonstration of true affection.

Jennie begins to feel cold, and she watches as his boyfriend almost runs away from her, his back facing her.

She feels like crying, and cussing, and probably even breaking something.

But she doesn't do any of that.

She simply leaves as well, her steps heavy, her eyes glistening.

-

Jennie finds herself walking to the place she hasn't stop thinking about since the previous day.

She puts an end to her slow walk and just stands still, staring throughout the window of the small café on her way home, silently begging for nobody to notice her.

She doesn't have many hopes, really.

But there she is.

Lisa, her grayish blonde hair even more shiny due to the sunlight, her characteristic smile in place as she speaks to a costumer. Her doe eyes exude such a vibrant energy, Jennie is sure everybody around her must feel as gleeful to be around her as the brunette herself was before.

Jennie swallows.

She watches as the blonde takes a break between costumers, her bright smile falling a bit to a more neutral expression, her lips slightly pouted as she stares down for a moment.

Jennie hasn't forgotten how gorgeous Lisa is, but seeing her beauty on display again, after so many years, is just astonishing.

The brunette shivers a bit.

The temperature must've lowered down a bit.

Lisa is speaking again now, her lips moving quickly, her nose crunching as she laughs openly, chocolate eyes a bit smaller. She runs a hand though her perfect hair, mindful always of her bangs, and Jennie finds herself chuckling slightly as well.

She's crying.

Only when she feels her own tears dampening the skin of her cheeks, she becomes more aware of her current position.

Damn, she must look like a creep.

Jennie allows herself to take a last look then, just to catch Lisa resting her elbows against the colorful counter in front of her, and without a second thought, the brunette literally runs home.

-

Jennie reaches her apartment panting.

She closes the front door mindlessly, her heart beating fast both due to the race and to the emotions awoken due to the recent events.

_Breath._

_Inhale, exhale._

The brunette lets her body fall slowly to the floor.

It’s cold, but Jennie doesn't seem able to notice at the moment.

With her coat still on, she lets her backpack lie just besides her.

Memories keep coming back, merciless, and the brunette needs to make an effort to keep her tears at bay.

Again.

She presses her head against her knees.

_Lisa._

-

Seventeen-year-old Jennie is sitting on a rocky surface besides her childhood best friend.

The brunette's parents organized a spontaneous, short vacation to celebrate in advance their daughter's imminent graduation, and Lisa was invited along without a single question since the moment the idea was brought up.

The sun is setting, beautiful colors playing in the sky in a way Jennie is convinced only Lisa can accurately portray in her paintings.

She turns her head to tell her so, but she finds the light blonde staring at the horizon with a lost expression.

Jennie tilts her head slightly.

Lisa has been particularly quiet lately, her mind often drifting to a private universe Jennie doesn't seem to be allowed in.

It makes her a bit sad.

"Lili?"

The blonde turns towards her friend a bit startled, her soft gaze now focused on her.

"Sorry, I was thinking".

"A penny for your thoughts, then".

Lisa provides a soft smile she knows can disarm almost anybody.

"It's nothing, really".

But Jennie is stubborn.

"C'mon Lisa, tell me, please".

She grabs her best friend’s forearm with her small hands, her eyes shining a little.

Lisa recognizes it as the step previous to a heartbreaking pout.

"I was thinking about next year. I'll miss you".

The brunette caresses Lisa's skin with her thumbs without even realizing.

"It's just a year. When you finish high school, you can come to New York with me. Who knows, we may even be roommates".

The blonde doesn't answer, but allows herself to relish in the feeling of Jennie's loving touch.

"But that's not it, is it?"

Lisa’s brows furrow deeply.

"What do you mean?"

"I know you, Lis. I know next year it's not bothering you this much. I mean, you are smart and cute and everybody loves you. You'll survive just fine, and you know it".

Lisa blushes slightly.

"Something else is bothering you and I can’t point it out. I feel, like, the worst friend ever".

"You are not the worst friend ever", Lisa complains, "Seriously, everything is alright".

But she can't meet Jennie’s eyes, which gives the brunette the exact clue she needed to figure out that, indeed, something is wrong and the blonde doesn’t want to tell what it is.

"Lisa, you promised you would never lie to me".

The blonde opens her mouth a bit desperately, but no sound comes out.

"C'mon. It can't be that bad. Do you have a new best friend?"

"No, Jennie-"

"Are you dating somebody?"

"No-"

"One of my exes perhaps? Is that it?"

"No, Jen", Lisa rises her voice slightly, catching Jennie's attention, "I haven't met anybody new. I'm not dating anybody. It's not that".

The brunette's eyes light up.

"What is it, then?"

Lisa stares at her friend silently, her breathing a bit unstable.

"I don't want to ruin your vacation, Jennie".

The brunette starts to get worried. Dead serious Lisa is almost never good news.

"Lili? You are not... sick, right?"

The blonde opens her eyes widely.

"No, no, Jen. I'm healthy".

The brunette feels a bit relieved. She's sure she can deal with whatever is coming.

"Lisa, you know you can tell me anything".

The blonde hesitates.

"You promise you won't freak out and leave me alone?"

Jennie would've laughed, but Lisa looks so vulnerable at the moment that she simply reaches out to hold her right hand between the ones of her own.

"Of course I won't, Lisa".

But she's scared.

The blonde breathes deeply.

She knew the moment was coming, but she still feels unprepared.

As she stares deeply into her friend's eyes, she knows there is no way out.

"I like you".

Jennie blinks rapidly, her mouth opening as her eyebrows rise a bit.

_What?_

A moment of silence follows, and the words echo in the brunette's ear almost deafeningly.

"What do you mean, Lisa?"

The blonde flinches, her eyes becoming teary. Jennie sounded rough.

"I... I'm in love with you, Jennie. I'm sorry, I-"

"How can you say that?"

Jennie lets the blonde's hand go, her body instinctively leaning away.

Lisa looks desperate.

"Jennie, I swear I can't help it. I tried to-"

"I can't believe you are doing this to us".

Her voice sounds freezing cold, and Lisa has to choke a sob.

"Jennie..."

The brunette's eyes soften at the sight.

Her heart is hammering against her chest, and her ears are burning with how hard she is blushing.

She really doesn't know what's going on, but she wants to run away as fast as she can.

"I'm not... like you, Lisa".

The blonde looks at her.

"I know, Jen".

"I've had boyfriends, I mean. We've shared a bed, Lisa. You've seen me in my underwear".

The blonde has to place her hand against her heart as if afraid of it shattering completely.

"It's not like that, Jennie. I would never. You are truly my best friend".

She sounds so, so broken the brunette feels guilt burning in her throat.

"I know, I'm...", Jennie runs her hands through her hair, incredibly frustrated, "I'm freaking out".

A silence follows.

"I don't want to lose you, Jennie. Like... like a friend. I know you'll never like me back. But I just don’t want to lose my best friend".

The brunette feels finally brave enough to look at Lisa in the eyes.

Her blonde hair looks messy, lips quivering, her eyes shadowed by regret.

"I know. Look", she begins, "I... we'll figure it out".

"Seriously?"

Lisa's eyes shine with hope.

The brunette knows that what she's about to say is not entirely true.

"I appreciate your friendship as well, Lis".

It feels weird.

"I don't want anything to change between us", the blonde murmurs.

Jennie can't face her anymore.

"It won't", she says.

But it does.

It changes immediately from the morning after, and it lasts throughout what's left of the trip.

Things get _definitely_ different when Jennie begins to hang out with Lisa less and less, coming up with the most ridiculous excuses to avoid their once daily casual meetings.

Things definitely get awkward when the brunette starts hanging out with other girls, Lisa trying not to stare at her in the school hall, trying not to burst in tears the first time Jennie avoided her eyes so as not to greet her.

And things definitely get to a turning point when Jennie leaves Korea without saying goodbye to the girl she spent most of her life with.

-

Twenty-year-old Jennie is sitting with her forehead pressing against her knees, crying hard as the memory punishes her.

_What a fucking idiot._

With her teeth clenched, the brunette lets her fists hit the hard, cold floor harshly.

What was she thinking of?

_So selfish, so insensitive._

She struggles to breath.

_Inhale, exhale._

Just then she begins to shiver, cold finally making itself apparent.

Jennie stands up feeling terribly.

Without even thinking about anything else, she lies down in bed taking only her coat off.

She reaches blindly for the picture she's spent maybe too much time staring at since she discovered it and she hugs it tight against her chest.

It's been _years_ , but it still hurts.

She tries not to think too much about the fact that she's been missing Lisa since the moment she decided they needed to take a break from each other.

She's been distracting herself, indeed, and she is eternally grateful for the friends she has made during her time in New York.

But still...

Lisa is always in her mind.

And now she's so, so close...

Jennie rolls on bed.

She takes her cellphone out of the pocket of her jeans and decides what to do.

She sends only a single message.

_Soo, send me something funny._

Jennie knows Jisoo will be able to read between the lines.

She begins to feel sleepy, tired after long classes and her turmoil of emotions.

She knows she has things to do, but lets herself fall asleep nevertheless.

She has learnt better than to ignore the demands of her body.


	5. FIVE

Jennie finds herself sitting on a mattress of deep-green grass that feels too rough under her soft hands.

Bushes grow almost sprawled on the surface, and between leaves, purple, beautiful flowers steal the spotlight.

Petals bloom from long branches, and it takes Jennie no more than a few seconds to realize that she's looking at hyacinths.

She reaches with her hand to grasp one. Somehow, it stings a bit.

The brunette brings the flower to her nose only to discover that it has no scent at all.

Jennie sighs. It's cold.

Just a few meters beyond, a crystal-clear lake completes the scene, no waves at sight due to the lack of wind.

It’s very calm. Maybe too much so, as if instead of being natural, the absolute serenity was the result of a devastating catastrophe.

Or the previous instance of one.

The sky is just begging to show golden tones, the sun starting his parting journey. A few white, plump clouds hover a bit lower, waiting for the right breeze to join each other.

Jennie just knows for a fact that it is never going to happen. 

The brunette shakes her arms a bit, only an oversized T-shirt covering her trembling body.

She's so, _so_ lonely.

And she knows, somehow, that is wasn't always like that.

Something is missing...

Someone.

Jennie turns quickly to both sides, suddenly remembering.

Where are they?

Why is she alone?

She stands up slowly, surprised to be able to do so.

She feels guilty, as if her lover's...

No.

She's not sure.

She walks around frantically, letting her bare touch the uneven grass as she tries to ease the quivers of her body by embracing herself tightly.

It seems useless.

It almost as if the freezing sensation came right from the depth of her body.

Jennie kneels on the floor, suddenly tired.

The sun stays still.

The clouds stay still.

The lake stays still.

The brunette doesn't move neither.

Suddenly, everything turns black.

-

Jennie wakes up startled, her heart hammering against her chest, the alarm of her cellphone too loud for her liking.

However, she can't help but to feel a bit relieved.

At least she's not freezing anymore.

Still buried under layers and layers of blankets, Jennie reaches blindly to grasp her cellphone. Once she has the device in her hand, she rushes to turn off her still sounding alarm.

The silence that follows is welcomed wholeheartedly.

She inhales deeply and she checks on her messages.

As expected, nothing from Woojin.

But she has some messages from Jisoo. A short video of a black, adorable kitten trying and failing to jump from a surface to another that gives Jennie her first smile on the day, followed by an expression of concern that has the brunette feeling just a bit better.

Jisoo is a blessing.

Jennie checks on her social media, having to make a great effort not to search for _Lalisa Manoban_ on any of them.

She guesses that the blonde wouldn't choose to use her full name, though.

Probably just Lisa. Or Lili.

Maybe even something corny like _LiliSunflower_ or _Lalalisa_.

Jennie feels herself smiling softly until the faint thought that Lisa maybe not be the same person she was since the last time she saw her at her sixteens produces a pang in her chest.

But her smile, the brunette is sure, is still the same.

Jennie allows herself to rememorate a bit more. To think about playful comments, and weird (in the best way possible) random questions and visits to all amusement parks available.

The brunette lets herself remember an especial occasion in which Lisa gave her the sphere-shaped cotton candy she bought for herself just because Jennie dropped hers on the floor and was unable to contain her frustrated tears.

She remembers all the times Lisa pretended not to be cold only to lend her the leather jacket Jennie secretly loved a little bit too much.

And Jennie lets herself wonder how things would be like if she tried to approach Lisa again.

She wonders if the blonde would smile at her as dazzlingly as always, eyes shining, and get around the counter to embrace her tightly.

She wonders if Lisa would shout at her in rage, demanding her to leave.

Jennie rolls on her bed so she's lying with her stomach against the mattress.

She types a quick answer for Jisoo, stating that everything is just fine and asking the shorter brunette to meet her some minutes before classes just to hang out.

Jennie stretches her arms over her head. 

She begins to hum lowly.

_Maybe..._

Maybe she has a chance.

Maybe there is a possibility of Lisa being kind, forgiving enough to let her explain herself, and apologize, and maybe... just maybe... she has the chance of making things right again.

Jennie sits up.

There is only one way of finding out.

-

"So, you haven't complained once today".

Jisoo looks at Jennie almost surprised.

"Well, there was not much to complain about".

"Really? Not even when our teacher stated that good company _leaders can't allow themselves to care about their employees_ and that _women sometimes lack enough determination to successfully lead a business_?"

The shorter brunette looks at her friend with a mixture of perplexity and anger.

"He said that? I'm so lost today. Should have asked him if he considered that his constant failure in relationships had anything to do, by chance, with his inherent sexism and questionable point of view regarding human rights".

Jennie chuckles a bit between her teeth before looking at her friend teasingly.

"You could have, but you were distracted. You are falling in love".

She sang the last part of her statement, laughing immediately at Jisoo's glare.

"Jennie! We are just getting to know each other".

"And you seem to be very much pleased with everything you discover".

The friends walk side by side slowly, making their way out the building.

"Well", Jisoo blushes, unable to help it, "She's just amazing".

The tallest brunette smiles playfully.

"Om my god. You are so whipped already. This will be great".

"Shut up, Kim", Jisoo groans, pushing her friend away not so gently.

They make it outside, the day considerably colder than the previous one, clouds blocking the sunlight.

Jisoo begins to walk even slower, turning towards the taller brunette with a serious expression.

Jennie kinda knows what's coming.

"So, how are things with Woojin?"

The brunette tries hard not to show how uncomfortable she really is.

"Better, I guess. We talked. He says he's been busy."

Jisoo raises an eyebrow but doesn't speak.

Jennie knows what it means, anyways. _And do you believe it?_

The taller girl shrugs.

"College can be hard".

She knows that Jisoo is by far not satisfied with the answer, and she's not sure of being satisfied by it _herself_ , but she's dealing with many other things currently and she's finding it very hard to handle the turmoil of emotions she's going through.

Besides, her boyfriend wouldn't lie to her.

Woojin is not like that.

The shortest brunette simply sighs, as if defeated, but drops the matter when she sees how tight Jennie is pressing her crossed arms against her chest.

_Defenses up_ , Jisoo thinks.

It's almost useless.

They stop walking eventually, and the shortest girl stares at her friend expectantly.

"Wanna hang out for a bit? I need to keep myself distracted so I don't answer Rosie's messages immediately after she sends them".

Jennie raises her eyebrows.

"What? It's embarrassing. I'm not _that_ needy".

The tallest girl can only laugh openly, and Jisoo smiles herself, a bit embarrassed but happy to erase for a moment the faint shadow that seems to cover her friend's eyes lately.

"I'm sorry, Soo. I've got some plans. Tomorrow?"

"Plans?", the girl inquires, "what kind of plans? That sounds like something a serial killer would say".

"It's nothing. I have to sort out some past issues".

"That's _exactly_ something a serial killer would say".

Jennie smiles.

"I promise I'll tell you later".

_When you are ready_ , Jisoo thinks.

"Fine, but if there's blood involved don't even think about telling me. I'm too pretty to be in prison and too smart to be an accomplice".

The tallest girl rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

"Go talk to your girlfriend".

Jisoo begins to walk away, her soft gray sweater aesthetically mixing with the winter landscape.

"Not my girlfriend yet. Will be once you stop murdering and begin to commit to the development of my relationship. Be quick!"

Jennie snorts.

"I promise I'll help you tomorrow. Don't be too embarrassing!".

Jisoo only raises her arm to blatantly show her raised middle finger.

The tallest brunette stands there, for a minute, her chocolate hair falling past her shoulders.

She inhales deeply.

It's time.

-

The calm Jennie felt during her conversation with Jisoo has vanished to leave place to a nerve-wrecking anxiety that seems to spread throughout her whole body.

She walks fast, unable to stop herself, and she's sure that the hands buried at the bottom of her white blazer are not shaking only due to the freezing cold.

Jennie reaches the small café faster than she actually wishes she had, and an overwhelming need to keep walking home makes her hesitate for a second.

_No._

_No more running away._

Jennie doesn't allow herself to stare throughout the window, as she knows that the sight of Lisa will make her even more nervous.

She doesn't let herself overthink neither.

The brunette forces herself to enter the small place then, her legs still a bit shaky, her heart on her sleeve.

And the first thing she sees when she feels brave enough to tear her gaze away from the floor is, unsurprisingly, the blonde that has been twirling in her mind for days.

Lisa doesn't see her immediately, focused on the customer she's currently handing her coffee to.

The man in front Jennie takes some steps forward to make his own order, and he brunette bites the inside of her cheek.

_She's there._

_It's just a matter of time, or a quick glance around, or..._

It's actually the arrival of another customer the event that makes Lisa look at the door just by instinct, and just before focusing back on her current costumer, let her eyes fall, without even trying, on a very familiar figure.

The brunette watches as Lisa blinks once, twice, almost in disbelief, letting her mouth fall open.

Jennie licks her lips, her anxiety only rising and rising as her childhood friend stares at her dead on the eyes with absolute astonishment.

The spell is quickly broken. The customer facing Lisa gets impatient and coughs with mild annoyance, forcing Lisa to plaster a hesitant smile and continue with her duties as if the girl that disappeared from her life completely around six years ago wasn't next in line.

As for Jennie, she just stares at the floor, half determined to talk to Lisa, half wishing she was home finishing the mystery novel she started last month.

The man asks for an expresso, and the blonde leaves the counter to make it for herself, as her workmate left for her twenty-minutes break approximately thirty minutes ago and hasn’t returned yet.

When she comes back to the counter, the man is even more irritated if possible, but the blonde can’t bring herself to reciprocate his impoliteness. She smiles as he grumpily pays for his order, and she cheerfully farewells the guy who doesn't even bother to look back.

Jennie forces herself to take the steps needed for her to be in front of the counter.

She looks at Lisa, hope blooming in her heart, but the glance she receives knocks the air out of her lungs.

Lisa stares at her almost as if indifferent, a plastic smile present in her face.

"Hello, miss. What would you like to order?"

Jennie blinks, speechless, her heart beating painfully against her chest.

A silence follows. Lisa waits patiently for her answer.

"I...”, _I can’t_ , she thinks, _I can’t_ , “a latte. Venti".

She doesn't know why those are the words that leave her lips when there so much more she wishes to say.

"Alright. Sugar?"

_Yes. You know how I like my lattes, Lisa. Please. Please, let's talk about this._

"Yes".

The blonde breathes a bit unevenly then, and Jennie can see the way emotions begin to swim in her eyes.

The brunette opens her mouth to speak, instinctively trying to make the girl feel better, but Lisa turns around quickly.

"In a minute, miss".

_Miss_ is definitely a new one.

She prefers Jennie, Jen.

Or even that corny nickname her mother gave her when she was a child and was only less irritating when it escaped from her friend’s mouth.

Lisa comes back with Jennie’s order a bit later, taking considerably more time than she took with the previous one, and she reappears, Jennie can tell, with all her defenses up again.

The brunette hurts so much she feels everything to be kind of surreal.

"How much is it?" she murmurs.

"Four fifty-five".

Jennie takes the money out of her purse. It's hard. Her hands are trembling.

When she glances back, Lisa is staring down with her brows furrowed, in an expression that, years ago, meant concern.

Right then, Jennie is not sure what it means.

The blonde shakes her head slightly before taking the money, all the while avoiding the brunette’s gaze, her lips pursed together.

When Lisa's voice breaks a little as she mumbles a polite goodbye, Jennie can't answer.

She rushes out of the café, the latte spilling and burning her hand, tears uncontrollably cascading from her eyes.

-

Jennie reaches home still crying.

She sits on the floor, brings her hands to her face, and just lets herself sob until she can't anymore.

When she finishes crying, she just sits there, regret and shame filling her chest, the feeling of definitely having lost one of the most important pieces of her entire life weighing almost impossibly.

She sits like that for a long time, maybe hours, until her stomach begins to rumble loudly.

Jennie stands up.

She doesn't feel like cooking, but she can't skip dinner again.

Her body aches.

She lifelessly looks for something to eat, her mind definitely somewhere else.

It sucks.

_She_ sucks.

When Jennie lies on bed, already on her pajamas, she feels tears welling up in her eyes again.

She reaches for her phone, desperate to distract herself, and frowns deeply when she finds a message from her boyfriend.

She opens it, her teeth clenching.

_Hey, Jennie. All right? Kinda busy, might answer late._

No. 

_Everything is shitty, right now, Woojin_ , she thinks. _Please be here for me. Why are you never here for me?_

Jennie cries again, this time due both frustration and pain.

That's how she falls asleep.

Outside, the sky is jet-black. All sources of light covered by gray, rain clouds.


	6. SIX

Jennie wakes up already scared, her body trembling slightly, and it takes her a few minutes to realize that she's actually dreaming.

She's wearing the exact same outfit she wore the day before, the designer boots diving into abundant, wild grass.

Around here, thousands of trees stand almost threateningly, some taller than others, their branches intertwining a few meters above.

Jennie is scared.

Everything is wet, and the brunette has to look up to the sky to discover that, even if it’s not raining per se, there is a cold drizzle falling from the dark clouds above.

Jennie takes a breath as she begins to take in her surroundings.

Wild flowers grow steadily around her feet and trace a path forwards the brunette instinctively knows she has to follow.

She has to find someone.

She begins walking only to notice that her body weighs way more than it should, as if being taken aback by an invisible force.

Jennie doesn't stop for a second, not even when the slight uncomfortable feeling became a painful throb on her thigs and arms.

Not even when her chest started to feel as if it was going to explode.

She keeps walking.

Jennie is scared of being too late.

The path becomes a bit confusing, daisies sprawled all over the place, some oak trees right in the middle of the way, but the brunette doesn't stop.

She knows what she wants.

She knows what she has to do.

An uncommon warm breeze begins to carry away the clouds hovering above.

She goes deeper and deeper, branches and thorns scratching the uncovered skin of her hands.

And suddenly, Jennie is facing a clear.

In the middle of it, a lean figure is sitting on a dead trunk, their back facing the brunette's relieved expression.

Jennie finally feels like breathing again.

As she takes a step forwards, the last clouds that covered the sun move away, the light produced as a result bright enough to make Jennie's eyes close immediately.

The figure stays still, or at least that's what the brunette thinks at first.

But as she tries to focus again, her eyes still closed, Jennie hears the soft sobs that scape from her companion's throat.

She feels like punched in the stomach.

This is her fault.

Jennie begins to walk to the figure desperately to provide some sort of comfort, the sunlight still blinding.

"I'm sorry", she says, her extended arm just a few meters away her companion, her feet way lighter than before.

"I'm sorry. Please, look at me".

She doesn't really know who she is talking to, but she knows she needs to apologize.

She needs to make things better.

Jennie can suddenly smell the flowers around them.

Her fingertips press against a prominent shoulder, and the brunette is surprised at the both electrifying and soothing feeling the touch produces in her body.

The figure stays still for a minute, and Jennie thinks she is too late.

Her heart hurts.

"I'm sorry", she sobs.

Jennie didn't know she was crying.

And just then, she feels a soft cheek pressing softly against her hand.

The brunette feels pure joy.

And at the moment the figure is turning around, the sun stops shining.

And a soft green begins to occupy everything.

-

Jennie wakes up slowly this time, her head already throbbing.

She groans slightly as she turns her body to the other side, suddenly uncomfortable under her many blankets.

Not a lovely way to start the day.

She checks the time on her cellphone only to discover that, just as she thought, there is still considerable time left for her alarm to go off.

It's too early, but Jennie knows she has very little chance of falling asleep again, her limbs already humming with anxiety, so she just sits on her bed with her head against her favorite pillow and checks on her messages.

Woojin again.

Jennie feels almost suspicious. Her boyfriend hasn't texted her for two consecutive days since the beginning of their relationship.

But maybe...

_Hey._   
_Wanna have breakfast in a few hours?_

Jennie blatantly ignores the fact that the text was sent, once again, about three am in the morning.

Maybe the message is a good sign.

Maybe things will start to get better.

Maybe there is some hope for their relationship.

The idea is kind of relieving, and it makes her smile, the possibility of making things right again, but it also produces a weird feeling at the pit of her stomach.

She actually considers it for a moment before answering.

_Sure._   
_Do you want to come here around nine?_  
 _I'll make pancakes._

Jennie did not expect to receive an immediate answer.

_Ok. Can you make something healthier, though?_   
_Gotta keep my shape._

The brunette sighs. 

_Sure, I have some fruit and cereals._

No answer. Why is he awake, though? As far as she knows, her boyfriend isn’t exactly the definition of an early bird.

She rolls on her bed again.

She catches her mind drifting to golden locks and a bright smile. 

-

It's nine thirty, and Jennie is tapping her foot impatiently against the dining room floor.

On top of the walnut, round table, there are two bowls full of different types of fruit meticulously cut into small, even cubes. Besides, a shallow porcelain plate holds a mixture of a wide variety of cereals Jennie keeps in her kitchen cupboard claiming that she occasionally eats them as snacks.

She doesn’t, really, but they ended up being useful.

Porcelain coffee cups also rest proudly facing each other on top of the table, too expensive cutlery just at their side.

The setting couldn't look any better, picture worth, but Jennie can't help but to feel a bit insecure, anyways.

Woojin can be hard to read, sometimes.

She checks the time again, only to get even more frustrated.

Forty minutes already. 

A loud characteristic knock startles Jennie a bit.

_Well, he's here._

Jennie opens the door inhaling deeply, inexplicably nervous.

And there he stands, his short brown hair a bit messy, wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt tight against the muscles of his biceps.

The first thing Jennie notices are the dark shadows under his eyes.

"Hey, Jennie", he greets, a big smile in place.

The brunette smiles back.

"Hey. You are here".

It's ridiculously formal, and it should be a clear sign that Jennie is not feeling comfortable at all, but the young man simply steps forwards, prompting Jennie to move aside and let him in.

"I brought donuts".

The brunette frowns slightly, but doesn't ask him about the diet he claimed to be following.

_This is supposed to be nice, Jennie._

Jennie also tries to avoid thinking about the time she spent choosing the perfect shirt for the new jeans she's currently wearing only for the outfit to go completely unnoticed.

The couple sits down, facing each other. Woojin takes a quick look at the table before showing a crooked smile.

"C'mon Jen, this is just breakfast. There was no need to go all... extra over it".

The brunette swallows.

"I had some free time. Why were you up so early, by the way?"

Woojin answers quickly.

"I had some college stuff to do. I got bored, so I decided to come to see you. I've been so busy lately", and then he adds with a light tone, "I didn't want you to miss me too much".

The brunette almost scoffs. Almost. She simply smiles tightly as a silent answer.

A silence follows.

Jennie looks desperately for something to talk about, his boyfriend eagerly engulfing the donuts he brought himself and unceremoniously dropped at the top of the previously pristine creamy tablecloth.

"So, what are you working on?"

Woojin looks up a bit confused.

"What?"

"For college. You said you were busy".

The question was completely innocent, honestly, maybe fueled by curiosity, even, so Jennie gets genuinely surprised when her boyfriend stares at her with his eyes wide open, almost as if scared.

The brunette raises both her eyebrows.

Woojin can identify a red flag.

"Some science stuff".

"Well, I imagined, considering that you are pursuing a major in Biology", Jennie states, her voice dripping sarcasm.

"It's a project about the growth of the human body. You wouldn't understand, being a business girl and everything".

The brunette’s gaze gets sharp.

"Really, it's boring. Even I get bored. Let's talk about something more fun".

Jennie tries to control her breathing as she nods.

"Have you been hanging out with Jisoo lately?"

"Yeah, we share most classes".

Woojin seems content again as he takes a big gulp of his red tea.

"Oh, that's true. No chances of her being interested in any of my friends yet? She knocked them out at my birthday party. They keep asking about her".

"Are you referring to the guys that spent the whole night ogling at her face?"

If Woojin catches Jennie's disapproving tone, he ignores it completely.

"Yeah!"

"Woojin", she tries not to raise her voice, "Jisoo likes girls. Only. We talked about this".

The brown-haired man hums loudly.

"Yes, I forgot. Well, just tell me if she changes her mind someday".

Jennie closes her eyes.

_One, two, three..._

Woojin doesn't notice, of course, he’s too busy taking his phone put of his pocket.

There's got to be a way to get something good out of this.

"Hey, Jin..."

The man looks up from his device to stare at his girlfriend.

"I know you've been busy lately, and I'm glad you are focusing on your studies. I just wish you could take some time off occasionally just to... be with me, I guess. I miss how things were before".

It's quite blunt, but Jennie knows it was needed.

"I know", he begins slowly, "I know I kinda disappeared during last week and I'm truly sorry for it. But I've been thinking about you all the time, Jennie. I swear".

Woojin scratches his nose as he finishes his statement.

Jennie's eyes soften a bit.

"I’ll tell you what. I'll finish some things and then we can go out wherever you want. Just choose".

The brunette smiles slightly.

"Well, there is this art gallery I've wanted to visit since I got here, but I never had the chance".

Woojin flinches visibly.

"An art gallery? I mean, we can go if you want to. I just figured you would choose a more... crowded place, I guess?", his eyebrows scrunch in a slight expression of disgust he doesn’t even try to hide, "And also, I’ve never thought you'd be into artsy stuff. You give me more... business girl vibes. That's it".

He shows a characteristic crooked smile again, as if the whole idea was just funny for him.

Jennie doesn't fully understand the almost devastating way in which that single comment hurt her.

She feels tears prickling her eyes, so she blinks rapidly to make them disappear.

"We can go somewhere else, then".

She's so, so tired.

"I knew you'd change your mind. It will be so much fun, you'll see!"

Jennie doesn't answer. She becomes oddly quiet actually, a bitter feeling making her unable to enjoy the rest of her breakfast.

The half an hour that follows is filled with unsuccessful attempts of light conversation and awkward pauses, and both of them are actually relieved when Woojin’s cellphone starts vibrating inside his pocket.

He murmurs some affirmative words as Jennie stares at her now empty cup, her lips still quavering lightly.

When Woojin leaves in a rush, stating that some college things came up again, Jennie doesn’t even say goodbye.

She cleans off the table by her own, biting the inside of her cheek.

_Is it even worth it?_

-

Jennie is sitting leg-crossed on top of her bed questioning probably all the decisions she'd made in the span of her short life.

She tries. She's _really_ trying to make things better and apparently that means getting hurt and disappointed every time.

She sighs.

The relationship she's built with her boyfriend is sinking.

_Anybody_ could see it, and despite Jennie's attempt to ignore all the red flags, she can't help but notice they are reaching a turning point.

She really thought that everything could be fixed with the right amount of love and commitment, but her boyfriend's been so acting weird lately, almost as if...

No.

No way.

There is no way she's lacking _that_ much, is it?

A soft sound coming from her night able distracts her from her thoughts.

She checks her phone a bit scared, honestly.

Jennie sighs. It's just Jisoo.

_Hello, Jendeukie._   
_Didn't see you today, but I bet you look fantastic._

The brunette raises an eyebrow.

_Go straight to the point, Soo._  
 _What do you need?_  
~  
 _Just a bit of help from the greatest, most beautiful best friend ever._  
~  
 _And I what I have to do, exactly?_  
~  
 _I asked Rosie out... sort of._   
_I invited her to have a coffee at my favorite place, because of course I need to show her the best cupcakes in the entire city._  
~  
 _Well that's actually... good._   
_Do you need help picking out the outfit?_  
~  
 _I don't know if I should be offended because you think I couldn't do it myself or grateful for your generous offer._   
_Anyways, that's not it._  
~  
 _C'mon Soo._  
~  
 _Alright._  
 _I invited her out…_  
 _but I may have actually referred to the date as a 'friendly encounter' and mentioned that we could even bring some friends along, just to be a bit less nervous._

Jennie opens her mouth in disbelief.

_You did what?_  
 _Why the hell would you say that!_  
~  
 _I don't know. I panicked right after!_  
 _And she sounded so relieved about it and said she thought it was the cutest thing ever so I couldn't take it back._  
 _The thing is, she is taking her bff with her, so I thought of taking mine._  
~  
 _Like a double date?_  
~  
 _No, no. Just a friendly encounter, as I mentioned._  
 _Rosie says that her friend is really sweet and funny._   
_You might even like her._

Jennie rubs the palm of her hand against her face.

She's really not in the mood of meeting something new, but she knows she can't disappoint Jisoo.

_Fine. But please remember people tend to get a rather negative first impression of me._   
_Also, you owe me._  
~  
 _People suck and I'm sure that at least Rosie doesn't._   
_I know._   
_I'm already saving money for the ridiculously expensive coffee you are gonna make me buy for you._

Jennie finds herself smiling softly.

_You better. When is the 'friendly meeting'?_  
~  
 _Sunday. Also, another little favor?_  
~  
 _Yes?_  
~  
 _I may need help with my outfit._

Jennie rolls her eyes, stil grinning.

_Of course I'll help you, silly._  
 _That Rosie girl won't know that hit her._  
~  
 _Thanks, Deukie. You are the best._  
~  
 _Now stop playing videogames and go study._  
 _We got a collaborative mock test tomorrow and I don't plan on failing._  
~  
 _Aye, aye, captain._

The brunette lets her phone fall on her bed as she lies facing the ceiling.

It can be a nice way of distracting herself, actually.

She may have to conversate with a complete stranger as Jisoo gets all mushy every time Roseanne breathes, but it may even be worth it.

Something as simple as that can't go wrong, right?

Jennie thinks for a moment before standing up.

She searches through her thousand shoes to find the sport ones she bought when she thought boxing classes would be fitting for her.

She dropped them the week she started, true, and found herself being more comfortable when she began practicing air yoga, but the sneakers are still buried in her closet.

Jennie ties her long, chocolate hair in a tight ponytail.

Maybe a long run will carry away the permanent mist in her mind.

-

Hours later, Jennie is already in her pajamas, her mood much lighter than it was when she woke up.

Running did help, actually, and despite that it didn't ease the pain in her chest, she is able to lie in bed without a constant pound in her head.

Small victories.

She can't avoid the thoughts overlapping in her head, though.

Jisoo's relationship, her own relationship...

_Lisa._

She takes a look at the picture that found home at the top of her night table days ago and feels somehow recomforted.

She closes her eyes, feeling a wave of tiredness crashing against her body all of the sudden.

She falls asleep quickly, the crescent moon shining throughout the window.


	7. SEVEN

Jennie is standing in a small kitchen, oak old furniture combining with white curtains and a tablecloth in soft tones of yellow.

There is a bright red oven mitt hanging bellow a cupboard, contrasting clearly against the beige walls.

The setting feels so, so familiar, that it has Jennie frowning lightly, trying to remember. 

It's only when she sees the many pictures organized in frames of different sizes just besides a small wooden door when she realizes she's in her grandmother's kitchen.

Jennie lets her fingers graze the kitchen counter; memories of Sunday mornings full of homemade food warming her heart. She can almost hear her granny’s affable laughter, or her half-serious scolding every time she stole a cookie some minutes before lunch.

It was always fun, and the brunette never stopped visiting her nana, not even when she grew into a young, clumsy preadolescent.

She kept going until the good woman passed away.

Jennie sighs softly.

But she doesn’t feel sad, all memories too joyful to be clouded by destiny.

The brunette smiles. She thinks about elaborated recipes, and old songs, and playing dress-up, and full tables.

Jennie's grandmother liked it when Jennie visited with company.

That meant even more people complimenting her plates.

Suddenly, an idea crosses the brunette's mind, prompting her to rush towards the small door.

She opens it to reveal a big, fenced backyard. A single cherry blossom standing in full glory on a corner, surrounded by white roses, yellow lilies, and white jasmines all meticulously organized and clearly being take care of, creating an exotic aesthetic.

Jennie doesn’t remember if the colors were so bright in real life.

However, flowers aren't the reason why she takes some step forwards.

Staring up the cherry blossom, a lean figure stands almost gracefully, feet bare against the softens of the lawn.

_They are here._

Jennie feels again an elated dizziness, her mind a bit foggy, her heartbeat steady against her chest.

She gets closer.

The figure starts humming an old song Jennie thinks she should remember.

Jennie keeps walking without hesitation.

She wraps her hands around their waist, her fingertips tickling a bit.

The figure doesn't move.

"Hi".

There is no answer.

"I'm sorry".

There is a short pause before the figure puts their hands on top of Jennie's, a clear sign of reconciliation.

The brunette sighs, content.

She nuzzles her nose against a prominent shoulder. 

It smells so, so good.

"Thanks for coming".

The figure takes Jennie's hands in the ones of their own to press soft kisses against the brunette's palms.

"You know I love being here".

The voice sounds light, melodic. It sounds as if it came from far away, like carried by the wind, but it caresses Jennie's ears delightfully.

The figure begins to hum again, Jennie's arms hugging a small waist once again.

"I don't want this one to end".

Fingertips begin to trace patterns on the skin shown by the brunette's T-shirt.

"We'll see each other again".

Jennie watches as leaves of the cherry blossom begin to fall.

"Okay", she says.

She presses a kiss against an elegant neck.

Everything turns a light shade of pink.

-

Jennie wakes up with a nice feeling in her chest. 

She can breathe evenly, and she doesn't feel anxious at all, not even when her maybe excessively loud alarm goes off once again.

Jennie sits in bed to turn it off, and after stretching her arms a bit, she checks on a message Jisoo sent her an hour ago.

_Hey, Deukie. You up?_  
_Wanna see a video of a puppy loving a grumpy ugly cat?_

The brunette smiles softly, knowing that the message translates to I'm a nervous wreck please distract me.

Jennie complies.

_Sure. By the way, your bias towards dogs is showing._

The brunette runs her fingers through her messy chocolate hair, contemplating.

Her dream was sweet and comforting, true, but her problems have not disappeared.

Her boyfriend is still acting weird.

The situation with Lisa has not changed since that awkward moment at the café. The blonde does not want to talk to her, damn, she doesn't even want to address her, and that thought makes Jennie's heart ache a bit.

She stares at the ceiling silently.

Sometimes things are not meant to be, her mother always tells her.

Jennie doesn't understand the concept fully. You are supposed to fight for what you want, right? 

She checks her phone again. Jisoo sent her the shot video and a text along with it claiming that she dislikes sharp claws.

The video produces a very much needed smile, and the comment a throaty snort.

_He's loving it, it's just his face._  
_Cats only scratch when they are scared._  
_Are you ready for today?_  
~  
_I don't need much preparation, I'm naturally charismatic, naturally beautiful and naturally fashionable._  
~  
_Is that so?_  
_Black skinny jeans, an off-shoulder white shirt with a cute flower pattern tucked in and a beige long coat._  
_Oh, and a bennet._  
~  
_Everything approved except for the bennet._  
_Take it off._  
~  
_Noted._  
~  
_Now burn it._  
~  
_Do not fuel my destructive tendencies._  
~  
_Alright. Breath in and out._  
_I'm sensing your anxiety from here._  
_It smells that bad._  
~  
_Shut up, Kim. I'm perfectly fine._  
_You better be ready at ten, though._  
_Otherwise, I'm kicking your ass._  
_Or worse, uploading your early teen pictures on any social media we share._  
~  
_You don't need to be that vicious._  
_Don't worry, I started choosing my outfit already. Two hours is just fine._  
~  
_I would be horrified, but because it's you, I'm kinda proud._  
_See you in a while._

Jennie waited only a minute to start getting ready, almost excited.

Who knows, maybe she can have some fun after all.

-

Jisoo and Jennie are sitting next to each other in one of the most expensive cafés in the entire city. 

The coffee is not that worth it, really, but the cupcakes are a delight, and as soon as she learnt that Rosie had an undying love for all types of food, Jisoo has thought about sharing that essential piece of information with her. And getting, maybe, just _maybe_ , a short hug in return. Jisoo has thought a lot about that as well.

She's visible nervous, her feet tapping rhythmically against the polished floor, her eyes going back and forth the wide glass door even though it is still early.

Jennie looks at her friend with amusement and a hint of worry. This is a side of Jisoo Jennie had never got a chance to interact with, so she isn’t exactly sure what is acceptable and what is pushing her friend a bit too much.

"Jisoo, calm down. You are going to make a hole in the floor. Given the price of the coffee only, we would have to sell both our apartments to pay for the tile".

The shortest blonde relaxes a bit, but her right hand keeps running through the collar of her shirt.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm being insufferable. I just don't want to mess this up. I really like her, Deukie".

Her voice sounded soft and vulnerable, and Jennie is quick to put a comforting hand on top of her friend's forearm.

"Jisoo, you are being completely reasonable. You are nervous for the date, and that's alright. You shouldn't worry too much, though, it will go great".

The oldest girl smiles gratefully, her back finally resting against the fluffy back of the chair.

The two brunettes engage in a simple conversation then, Jisoo going on a rant about the general disadvantages of owning a cat. She is so entitled in it, that she almost doesn’t register the two blondes timidly opening the front door of the café.

Both brunettes look up at the same time, and when their gazes cross with the ones of the friends standing in a similar frozen state a few meters away, they experience opposite emotions.

Jisoo is completely starstruck. There she stands, the girl she's been talking to for weeks now, sharing lame jokes, deep thoughts, and at some point, some flirtatious comments. There she stands, looking like a whole model, blonde hair shining brightly, her long legs hugged by skinny pants, and a lovely, polite smile adorning her gorgeous face.

Jennie is fifty percent utterly confused and fifty percent absolutely terrified. There she stands, straight grayish blonde har, wide doe eyes and pouty lips slightly open in surprise, the girl she spent her childhood and adolescence with. 

_Lisa._

Everything moves in slow motion for Jennie, Roseanne approaching the table with a hesitant Lisa just behind her, the shortest blonde looking as if she was about to turn around and run as fast as she could.

Jennie feels like running as well, but she stays.

Jisoo stands when her mind begins to work correctly again, and the brunette at her side has no other choice but to follow.

"Hi", Roseanne speaks first, her voice sweet, almost making Jisoo get into a trance again.

"Hi", the shortest brunette answers.

Their interaction is actually really sweet, but all Jennie can think at the moment is on the fact she'll have to spend at least a few hours with the girl who pretended not to know her just a few days ago.

"I know we technically know each other, but, officially, I'm Roseanne. Or Rosé. Or Rosie. You can choose".

Her words come a bit rushed, as if she was breathless, and the pinkish blonde extends her hand for Jisoo to shake.

"I'm Jisoo", the girl states, feeling a bit more stable, "You don't know how happy I am to finally meet you, Rosie".

The pinkish blonde can't hide the red on her cheeks anymore, finding the brunette absolutely charming.

Jennie and Lisa stand awkwardly, but watch the scene with common amusement.

Jisoo realizes first.

"Oh! Sorry. This is my best friend, Jennie", she gestures towards the cat-eyed girl, "Jennie, these are Rosie, and..."

"Lisa", the shortest blonde states, her tone quite inviting. 

_She's just too sweet to show blatant discomfort_ , Jennie thinks.

The youngest girl shakes Jisoo's hand softly, telling her in the middle of a smile that she's heard lots about her.

When she turns towards Jennie, she does it with a determined expression.

"Jennie..."

_It's nice to meet you too, Lisa._

"We know each other technically, but...it's nice to see you again", Lisa tells her, and even gifts her a little, hesitant smile.

Both Roseanne and Jisoo open their eyes slightly.

The tallest brunette shakes the hand Lisa offers her, a bit surprised, but is able to return a sincere smile.

"It's nice to see you again, Lisa".

"You know each other?", Rosé asks incredulously.

"Yeah...", the brunette is quick to answer, "we went to school together".

It's quite the truth, but no _entirely_ it, and when she peeks to watch Lisa's reaction at her words, she feels incredibly sad at the glint of disappointment the taller girl's eyes reflect.

She wants to apologize.

Again.

"You mean _in Korea_? What are the chances?".

Jisoo is honestly surprised, and Jennie shrugs with a fake smile. Her friend deserves an explanation, definitely. But later.

"New York isn't that big, apparently", the tallest brunette tries.

"Yeah, but I keep getting lost anyway"

Both Jisoo and Rosé smile at Lisa’s remark and Jennie can't help but to mimic the gesture. She knows that the blonde isn't naturally that vocal, so she's probably just trying to make things a bit easier for Jennie.

As always.

They sit on their table, the atmosphere acceptably comfortable as the pinkish blonde and the shortest brunette engage in a simple conversation, their voices soft, timid. 

They all make their orders quickly when the waitress approaches them, Jisoo unable to hide a completely smitten look hearing the seemingly infinite dishes Roseanne asks for.

Jennie stares at her with a bit of worry, honestly, but Lisa simply smiles reassuringly.

"Rosie loves her food", she tells to tallest brunette.

Their gazes lock for a few seconds, but they do not feel the need to look away.

It's nice.

As for Rosé, she merely blushes, a bit embarrassed.

"I think it's cute", Jisoo murmurs, despite knowing that all the girls could hear her.

Jennie simply smirks as Rosé shows the girl a blinding smile.

_Well, at least this is working for them._

When the food arrives, the waitress making an effort to balance all the dishes, the girls seem quite content, their morning hunger soon to be eased.

They began chatting again, quite animatedly, this time Jennie being a more active participant, and even Lisa making some comments now and then, her hot chocolate warming up her cheeks in a way the tallest brunette can only catalogue as _adorable_.

"So, Jennie", the pinkish blonde begins, always with a mixture of gentleness and politeness, "Jisoo told me you are taken".

The girl has to make an effort not to choke on her latte.

"Yes", she says, trying to hide the evident hesitation in her voice, "I am".

Jennie feels somehow cornered, her hands instinctively clasping together, and she can almost sense the torrent of questions Rosé is about to ask out of pure innocence.

"Rosie, you can't ask about someone’s romantic status without expecting them to ask back", the shortest blonde teases suddenly, her eyes glinting.

Rosé can only blush promusely as an answer, looking briefly at Jisoo, who's cheeks are covered in a similar red tone.

Jennie smiles at Lisa.

She always knows.

"You are only grumpy because you are single", the pinkish blonde shoots back, the comment venom-free.

_It's just the way they interact_ , Jennie realizes with amusement.

Lisa pouts, and then scrunches her nose in the cutest way ever.

"True. But in my defense, I just got here".

"How long have you been here, Lisa?", Jennie asks.

"Since July".

"Really?", the tallest brunette exclaims, truly surprised.

_And I just saw her for the first time some days ago?_

"Yes. I've been trying to find a stable job and get some acceptable grades at college. I've also been moving a lot. It was a mess at the begging, honestly", her tone is playful, but Jennie knows that Lisa usually tries to light up all tough situations, "So I haven't been around the city much. But now that I'm better organized, I will start doing so".

"So you are studying here?", Jisoo intervenes.

"Yes. Visual arts".

Her eyes shined with such excitement when she mentioned her studies, that Jennie can't help but to smile big, her chest being somehow filled with pride over the girl's achievements.

"Lisa, that's great", she says softly, earning a suspicious look by Jisoo.

"Thanks. Rosie said you two were going for a business major".

Jennie and Jisoo nod once.

"That's how we became friends. Also, because we share the same despite towards sexism in business, neglection of human rights and boiled eggs. I'm trying to get her to hate avocados as much as I do, but she's stubborn".

Rosé's eyes light up impossibly, a soft gasp escaping from her lips.

"Oh my god", Lisa mutters.

"I hate avocados too".

Jisoo can't smile bigger.

"They suck, right?"

"Yes!", the pinkish blonde agrees, her body now leaning forwards, and proceeds to give a well-developed lecture against the consumption of the despised fruit.

Lisa looks at Jennie tiredly as her friend continues speaking, and the tallest brunette has to hide a soft chuckle under the palm of her hand.

As for Jisoo, she stares a Rosé with an enchanted look, drinking in every word, her attention undivided.

At some point, Lisa smiles back at Jennie, finding her failed attempts of hiding her laughter quite cute, and Jennie mimics the gesture without even noticing. 

Lisa is just so charming.

She feels content.

Disaster avoided, right?


	8. EIGHT

Jennie and Lisa are walking slowly besides each other, silent but comfortable. 

Rosé and Jisoo are chatting a few meters away. They’ve put some distance between themselves and their best friends without even realizing, too deep into their soft world.

Jennie can't be too mad. She had certainly been unsure about the outcome of the idea when Rosé suggested a leisure walk inside a park nearby the café they've spent the morning at, but her fears were quickly dissipated.

Lisa has been as lovely as Jennie remembers her being, her manners easy-going, and a charming smile lighting up her face every now and then.

The day itself couldn't be better. The sun is shining just enough to make their jackets and coats unnecessary, probably announcing the end of the seemingly eternal winter.

Jennie takes a deep breath, a mixed scent of flowers and leaves making her chest feel light.

She hears Rosie giggling girlishly and sees Jisoo looking at the tallest girl with a satisfied smile, the blush on their cheeks almost permanent.

Lisa grins.

"I don't even know why they called us. They seem pretty fine on their own".

Jennie stares at the young girls in front of them, now walking so close to each other that their fingers brush slightly.

"They were just nervous I guess", Jennie shrugs, "This is the first time the actually see each other".

The blonde hums in agreement. 

"True. Rosie was so worried. She called me squealing when Jisoo suggested this... meeting. She thought it was the cutest thing ever".

The brunette chuckles.

"I'm glad. I don't know what I would say if my date considered bringing a friend along".

"True. And I wouldn't be so comfortable with my friend seeing me stumbling with words and blushing at literally _anything_. My image is naturally strained, imagine after witnessing a first date".

Jennie doesn't answer immediately, a soft smile in her face.

She knows by a fact that, rather embarrassing, flustered Lisa is the cutest thing ever.

"It doesn't look like a first date when you look at them, though".

The blonde stares silently at the soon-to-be lovers, Jisoo murmuring something near Rosés ear, who's eyes suddenly light up with joy.

She turns around quickly, a smile on her face.

"Jisoo told me there is a lady who sells ice cream around here! Let's go buy some!"

Jennie opens her eyes slightly.

"Sorry, Rosie, not all of us have a superior stomach", the shortest blonde answers calmly.

Rosé almost gets sad, _almost_ , because Jisoo puts a hand on her shoulder carefully.

"We can go get our cones and find the girls again... if you want".

The pinkish blonde smiles and takes Jisoo's hand as an impulse.

"Jennie, do you want an ice cream too?", she asks quickly.

"No... thanks".

"Oh, is it okay for you if we leave you for, like, five minutes? You can wait right here", the shortest girl asks, already dragging Rosé to the other side of the park. 

_You have to admire a smart move_ , Jennie thinks. 

"Jennie?", Lisa asks softly.

"Sure. Just don't get lost. Must be hard to see where you are going when your eyes are being replaced by hearts".

Neither Jisoo nor Rosé listen to Jennie's comment, anyway, their minds much more focused on the prospect of an ice cream and the fact that they are currently holding hands.

So Jennie and Lisa are left there, a bit confused, until they look at each other and begin laughing loudly, completely dismissing the awkwardness of the situation.

"Wanna sit?", the blonde asks when she can catch her breath again, gesturing towards a bench near them.

The brunette only nods, still smiling brightly.

They sit beside each other, somehow completely calm.

"Well...this happened".

"It did. I still can believe it, honestly", Jennie answers, "I can't believe you are here".

"I didn't expect to find you neither. Not so quickly at least, and definitely not like this".

_Almost as if it was meant to be._

"So, you got here a few months ago".

"Yes", Lisa answers, watching some pigeons searching for crumbs on the floor, "I came as soon as I could".

"Like you always wanted to", Jennie states.

Lisa looks at her.

"Yes", she smiles, "but I needed to take care of some things with mom, first".

Jennie swallows, feeling a sudden pang on her heart.

"I see. How is she doing?"

The blonde's eyes glisten a bit, but Jennie can tell that Lisa's smile is heartfelt.

"She's doing great, actually. It was hard at first, but you know her. She's a strong woman. She's taking care of the restaurant, now. Oh, and she has a boyfriend".

Jennie feels relieved, Lisa's mom occupying, just as the blonde herself, an important part of her heart.

"Lisa, that's great".

"Yes. It's been almost five years already, so I'm glad she has finally found somebody to share experiences with".

"What is he like? Do you like him?"

Jennie's gaze is fixed in Lisa's expressive eyes.

"I do, he's really nice. He's _completely_ in love with mom. You should see the way he looks at her. He buys her a bouquet of roses, like, every Sunday, just because".

"Well, he sounds like a great man".

"Also, as you can guess, he's incredibly wealthy", Lisa adds teasingly, "I know that love comes first, but the fact that he can provide mom with economic support as well is quite relieving".

Lisa goes silent for a second, and Jennie just _knows_ she feels that she's overshared a bit.

The brunette doesn't think so at all. She wants Lisa to tell her _everything_.

"I'm glad your mom has found happiness, Lisa. She deserves it".

The blonde nods in agreement.

"What about your parents, Jen?"

"Their usual selves. Mom texts me whenever she can, and recently developed a love for taking pictures of our dogs and sending them to me. Dad prefers calling".

"Do they still have their Wednesday game nights?"

Jennie chuckles.

"Yes. It's still a matter of discussion. I can figure out whether mom won or lost by her texts on Thursday".

Lisa laughs, memories of a very angry miss Kim making her feel somehow content.

"Your parents are truly made for each other, aren't they?"

The comment makes Jennie feel warm.

"Yes...", she considers for a second, "they are". 

They stay silent for a while.

"And you’ve found somebody as well, right?"

Jennie feels an uncomfortable feeling rising in her throat.

"Yes. His name is Woojin".

"That's cool, Jen. How long have you been together?"

The brunette thinks for a moment.

"In a few weeks, we will have been together for three years”. 

Lisa's eyes open a bit, clearly surprised.

"Wow, that's a long time!"

Her innocence is clear in her face, and it gets Jennie's chest feeling a bit lighter.

"Yeah..."

"It must be great to build something like that", the blonde considers, her tone low, as if she was talking to herself.

Jennie doesn't answer.

"Rosé mentioned that you are single", she states instead, feeling somehow shy.

"I am", Lisa answers, and then displays a cute pout that makes Jennie smile.

"Not happy with your status?"

"Being single is fun. But it's been like _ages_ already, and I just want somebody to hold me when I have a fight with my cat".

The brunette chuckles before actually analyzing Lisa's words.

"So, you dated back in Korea?"

Lisa nods.

"I had a girlfriend, Sooyoung. It was nice, actually, but we had different plans for our future".

Jennie hums. 

"And you have a cat".

Lisa's eyes light up.

"Luca! He's my son. He's been keeping me company since I came to New York".

She quickly searches for her cellphone inside her purse, looking for a picture of the feline before showing Jennie the screen.

"Here he is, probably planning ways of murdering me. But he looks so cute, doesn't he?"

"He's really cute", Jennie recognizes, "I would like to meet him some day".

The words escape from her mouth before she can process them.

_You think you are that lucky, right, Jennie Kim? As if you had not abandoned this girl just before she had to go through one of the worst experiences of her life, the brunette thinks._

"You should come visit, then! My apartment is small, but it's not like you are _gigantic_ , anyway".

Jennie tries to hide a joyful smile.

"Are you calling me short? It's only because you are like, a _tower_ tall!"

Lisa rises her eyebrows, ready to shoot back, but Jennie then scrunches her nose a bit, a slight, a fake offended expression on her face, so the blonde has to stay quiet so as not to squeal. Jennie is just the most adorable thing ever.

Suddenly, Lisa's expression changes, her soft smile turning into a stern expression.

The brunette notices immediately and sits a bit straighter, feeling her heartbeat quickening.

"Jennie, I want to apologize to you".

The shortest girl opens her mouth lightly, utterly confused.

"What? Why?"

Lisa looks into her eyes, and Jennie needs to make an effort to stay focused.

"I want to say sorry for what happened at the café a few days ago. It was completely rude of me, not to mention plain unreasonable".

Jennie tries to say something, but struggles to produce words. She's afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Lisa gets a bit nervous.

"I... I just panicked a bit. I mean after so many years... I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, Jen".

It's the vulnerability reflected on the eyes of the brunette what prompts Jennie to finally speak.

"No, Lisa. I... you don't need to apologize. I should’ve done something as well. I understand completely, really".

The tallest girl sighs in relief.

"Still, it was rude".

Jennie denies effusively.

"We were both a bit shocked, I guess. I mean, it had been so long..."

Lisa hums and Jennie smiles, reassuring. 

Lisa has very little to apologize for. Jennie, on the other side...

"I want to make it up for you, though".

Jennie thinks for a moment.

"What if we make it up for the both of us?"

If asked, the brunette couldn't deny the pure hope blooming in her chest.

Lisa grins. 

"Alright. If you want to visit Luca someday, I can buy dinner and pretend I cooked it".

"Lovely. In return, I can ask mom for a cake recipe and resort to some expensive pastries when I fail to bake it".

They both laugh, the atmosphere nice and friendly again.

The short silence that follows is comfortable. Jennie can barely hide her absolute happiness. She feels like a weigh that had been crushing her shoulders for a long time has finally disappeared.

"Oh, look, the lovers are coming back", Lisa states, her hand gesturing to Jisoo and Rosé walking side by side.

They are smiling, as they have been for most of the day. The pinkish blonde carries with her a gigantic cone covered by a chocolate layer, while Jisoo holds a significatively smaller one, covered by an excessive amount of rainbow sprinkles.

Jennie and Lisa stand up to greet their giddy friends, both ready to tease.

"It was a long way to buy ice cream, wasn't it?", the brunette jokes.

Rosé simply looks down as Jisoo gives her best friend a deadly glare.

Lisa unsuccessfully tries to contain a loud laughter, producing a strained sound as a result that has all the girls inevitably chuckling as well.

"Well", Jisoo begins after a moment, a sad tone evident in her voice, "it's time to go, I guess".

The pinkish blonde pouts, but nods in agreement.

"Yeah. I had fun", she states, looking into Jisoo's eyes with a dreamy look.

"Me too. A lot", she answers.

Jennie has to break the silence that follows by clearing her throat, teasingly gesturing towards the exit.

After a quick talk, they discover that their homes are not that far apart, so after Jisoo's insistence that it wouldn't be any trouble for any of them to walk a few extra blocks, they all accompany Rosé to her apartment.

Jisoo gets home second, thanking Jennie and Lisa while giving her best friend a meaningful glare that the brunette knows it means she has lot of explanations to give.

So the two remaining girls walk a bit more, engaged in a simple conversation. 

When they get to Lisa's apartment, the blonde looks at Jennie pointedly.

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you to yours? I need to exercise more, anyways".

Jennie smiles gratefully.

"Seriously. It's just a few more blocks. My short legs will survive".

Lisa opens her mouth quickly so as to say something, but decides not to. Instead, she puts her hands into her pockets a bit shyly.

"Alright. Would you text me when you get home?"

"What for?", Jennie asks.

"So I know that you made it safely".

The brunette feels all warm all of the sudden.

"Sure... it’s still early afternoon, though".

"The city is dangerous at all times, Jen", Lisa answers, her expression completely serious.

The brunette blushes profusely.

"I’ll need your phone number, then”.

They exchange numbers quite quickly. When Lisa finishes, she smiles a bit and opens her to hug Jennie lightly. The brunette corresponds, delighted.

"It was nice to see you again, Jen. You are invited to come and meet my son whenever you want".

"I had lots of fun. And I'm looking forwards meeting him as well. Just tell me when".

And just like that, Lisa shows Jennie her bright smile once more before making her way inside the building.

The brunette has to force her feet to move away.

-

When Jennie gets home about ten minutes later, she’s almost not surprised at all to find a message from Jisoo.

She doesn't answer immediately, but true to her words, she sends quick message to the blonde indicating that she made it safe.

Jennie moves around the kitchen, still a bit dumbfounded by today's event, her heart almost flying out her chest with the happiness of finally being able to be near Lisa again.

She thought their friendship was dead.

But maybe, _maybe_ , there is still a glimmer of hope for them.

The brunette opens her fridge to drink some fresh water, trying to tune down her thoughts a bit.

She thinks about taking a long bath, but remembers Jisoo's message.

_Warning: stream of questions._  
_Can´t be avoided._  
_What do you think about Rosie?_  
_She's beautiful, isn't she?_  
_Do you think it went well?_  
_Do you think she likes me?_  
_Oh, and what's the deal with you and Lisa?_  
_You looked so uncomfortable for a moment I was sure you were going to throw up on your boots._  
_Would've been a disaster, and what's worse, you would’ve made me pay for them._  
~  
_Hello, Jisoo. I'm fine, thank you very much for asking._  
_How are you, my dear friend?_  
_I think that Rosé is nice, and cute, and beautiful, and I think she's as whipped for you as you are for her._  
_Congrats, the impossible made possible._  
~  
_I am dealing with post-date self-doubt, thank you._  
_I really hope you are right, though._  
_I have it bad, damn it._  
_Oh, and don't think I didn't notice you completely dodging the Lisa question._  
_Just answer, Kim, you are making it weird._  
_Were you murderers together?_

Jennie sighs. 

_Do you remember I told you about my best friend back in Korea?_  
~  
_The one that fell in love with you and you rejected, like, horribly?_  
_Oh._  
_OH._  
~  
_Yes._  
~  
_OH MY GOD and you stayed?_  
_You must really love me._  
_It's a shame you don't swing this way, though, if it wasn't because Rosie is absolutely perfect at everything, I would definitely consider Lisa as an option._  
_Girl has looks and personality._

Jennie tries to swallow down an uncomfortable bitter feeling that begins to take form at the pit of her stomach.

It catches her out of guard, honestly, and she doesn't think much of it.

_Yeah. Well, that's it._  
~  
_But not quite, right?_  
_You seemed to be in good terms back at the park._  
_Did you make up?_  
~  
_Kind of? She apologized for ignoring me when I tried to approach her at the café she works at._  
_Don't ask, that happened a few days ago._  
_Your world was full of Rosé fluff, so I didn't want to bring anything negative to your bubble._  
_Anyways, she apologized and I apologized and she even invited me to her apartment to meet her cat._  
~  
_That sounds... questionable, but okay._  
_It's nice that you are making up. You seemed very sad when you told me about her for the first time._  
_Also, I'm kinda proud of you. Must have been hard to open up to her._  
~  
_I... apologized for the café thing as well._  
_Not for...everything._

Jennie really knows she has to. But back then, laughing loudly at her corny jokes, she couldn't bring herself to do so.

_Oh._  
_It's alright. I mean, you totally should, not gonna lie._  
_But it's okay if you take your time. You have my full support._

Jennie smiles, thankful.

_I know, Soo._  
_Thanks._  
~  
_Also, Jen._  
_I'm here for you always, Rosé bubble or usual mixture of anger and deception._  
~  
_I know, I know._  
_You know me._  
_Thank you, really._  
~  
_No problem, Deukie. Now go back to planning your next five outfits._

The brunette is actually about to put her phone down, bur receives another text.

_That was fast. I’m kind of impressed._  
_Thank you for today, Jen, even if it was unexpected._  
_Hope to hang out soon again._

Jennie smiles as she goes for that long bath, feeling somehow apprehensive towards the idea of answering Lisa immediately, and also thinking of ways of extending their conversation a bit more.

Her fingers tickle a bit.

-

Hours later, her soft, always perfumed pajamas letting her body relax a bit, Jennie lies in bed, one arm under her head.

She types yet another answer to Lisa, the warm feeling filling her chest still present.

She feels her eyes closing despite her attempts to keeping herself awake.

_Well, that's it._

Jennie lets her phone rest on top of her nigh table as she shifts her body slightly.

She hopes for nice dreams to come and lets her gaze trace patterns on the stars that twinkle outside the window.

And Jennie falls asleep, still content.


	9. NINE

Jennie is lying on her stomach on a fluffy surface, her forehead pressed against something somewhat firmer, but she is perfectly comfortable.

She realizes quickly that her head is resting on soft thigs.

The brunette feels joyful. It's been at least two weeks since her last dream.

So she just lets herself go a bit, her companion rubbing their hand against Jennie's back tenderly, making her almost melt in her place.

"I missed you", Jennie murmurs, as skillful fingers begin to run through chocolate locks with ease.

"I missed you too", Jennie hears, loud and clear, but still a bit far away.

It makes the brunette sigh, content. 

"Why today?", she asks then.

"I don't know", the soft voice answers.

Jennie hums as her companion begins to massage her scalp in the loveliest way.

"You seemed tense".

"Yes", the brunette answers, her voice a bit rough, "but that doesn't matter now", she manages to mumble.

And then she hears the most beautiful sound ever, a slight, free chuckle that makes her press a smile against tender skin.

"I am glad you feel like that, Jennie".

The brunette shivers slightly.

"Can I turn around?", she asks after a while.

The massages stop, and Jennie is afraid she ruined it.

"You can do anything you want, Jennie".

The brunette considers it a for a minute. Then, she turns around in her place.

Soft, coffee eyes and a gentle smile meet her, and Jennie minds goes a bit dizzy again.

"I know you", she murmurs, "but I still don't..."

She stops herself, visibly frustrated.

Suddenly, she wants to cry.

"It's okay, love", she hears, as a finger caresses her cheeks tenderly, "It's okay. Take your time".

"Is this hurting you?"

Jennie sees the way doe eyes narrow lightly.

"It doesn't matter".

"But it matters", the brunette protest, "it does".

Another hand presses against her waist, keeping her in place, making her feel absolutely protected as her heart picks up a bit.

"Don't worry, please. I want you to be happy ".

Jennie opens her mouth, but doesn't say anything. There is a pleasant feeling burning her chest and spreading to her limbs, which tickle a little. 

She feels so warm.

"Come here", she murmurs, and her lover frowns, but complies.

The bright light that illuminates the place becomes dim. The dream is ending.

Jennie's hand, now grasping a well-defined jaw gently, pulls a bit to bring her lover's face closer.

"Jennie", they murmur, a bit warningly, but the brunette is determined.

"Just one, please".

Her hand keeps pulling until she feels a warm breath against her skin.

"Oh", she hears, "but then..."

_But then..._

Jennie inhales deeply, her lips parting a bit.

She closes her eyes as a velvety mouth presses against her own, feeling absolutely delighted.

She almost gets startled by the intensity of the feeling.

When her companion pulls away, their eyes calm and the pad of their fingers tracing soft patterns on Jennie's jaw, the brunette fights against the urge of leaning in to search for plump lips once again.

It doesn't matter, really. The dream is finishing.

A coral light spreads slowly.

-

Jennie wakes up with a nice feeling buzzing in her chest. Her dream, despite a bit dizzy now, still prevalent in her mind.

She inhales deeply and hums a bit roughly after, pondering on the possibility of falling asleep once again.

However, a loud sound coming from her cellphone indicates her that her plans are not likely to be fulfilled.

With the alarm still ringing, she closes her eyes tight in frustration until she remembers the reason why she set it up on a Saturday morning.

Jennie's anger diminishes completely as she sits up on her bed quickly. Lisa, Rosé, Jisoo and herself all agreed on just hanging out and having a not-so-extravagant breakfast at the pinkish blonde's apartment, and the time spent with the three girls has become one of the brunette's favorites. The four of them seem to fit just right, their dynamics, completely natural, generating always a nice, fun atmosphere that almost never fails to make the brunette feel happy. So they've been hanging out as a group lately, and Jennie has been spending more time with Lisa only as well, when Jisoo and Rosé are busy going out on their many, romantic dates the shorter girl still freaks out about.

So yeah, Jennie has been relatively happy. There are some things that still put a bit of weigh on her heart, like the fact, for example, that her boyfriend has disappeared once again without notice. But as days go on, Jennie finds herself staring expectantly at her phone less and less.

She’s losing hope, she knows it.

The brunette stretches her arms over her head before sending a quick message to Jisoo indicating that she'll be on her way in some minutes and gets out of her bed to prepare herself for the rest of the morning.

-

"So, how is everything at cloud nine?", Jennie asks Jisoo as they both walk quite quickly due to the shortest girl’s excitement. 

Lisa sent Jennie a text earlier indicating that she was already at Chaeyoung’s since _it's been weeks and she still thinks Jisoo would be disappointed if she doesn't offer at least five different dishes for breakfast_ , or so the blonde stated, so it's just the two of them almost jogging to the tallest girl’s apartment.

"It's great. She's literally everything I dreamed of and my mother insisted I couldn't achieve", she sighs dreamily, "I can't believe I tricked her into thinking I am worth it. I hope I can keep this scheme a bit more".

The teasing tone doesn’t not allow Jennie to get too worry about the comment.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You have many perks, like your bright mind and thick wallet".

"Shut up, Chanel lover. You could sell your closet and buy my entire family".

Jennie laughs loudly, a bit out of breath due to her efforts to keep up with Jisoo's uncharacteristically long steps.

"Isn't it a bit unnecessary to keep inviting Lisa and me? It's practically us talking and you and Rosé ogling at each other".

The shortest girl tuns around to point a finger at her friend.

"Stop pretending we are not friends. You've already told them about your extensive collection of plushies. It took me half a year to get that information. You clearly like them. Lisa, especially".

Jennie rises her eyebrows as they both reach Rose's apartment.

"Well, she's my childhood best friend, isn't she?"

Jisoo's eyes shine too brightly for Jennie's taste.

"She is. And you are very fond of her. We agree".

The tallest brunette has to bit her tongue so as not to add anything else. She suspects it could backfire.

She watches as her friend sends a quick message and looks at her amusedly.

"We could just ring the bell, you know?"

"What century are you in, Jennie?", Jisoo answers with a horrified expression, and they get into some sort of friendly bicker until the front door opens in front of them.

Jennie smiles widely immediately at the sight of Lisa, her grayish blonde hair curled at its ends in a way her doll-like features are highlighted.

"Hello, girls", she says, a grin adorning her face, "need anything?", she jokes before letting the girls in.

Both brunettes greet Lisa, Jisoo in a loud, almost relieved tone, and Jennie in a soft mumble that has the shorter girl looking at her with interest.

Jisoo waits until they get into the elevator to ask for her almost-girlfriend so as not to sound too eager, but Lisa smiles just knowingly before answering.

"She's having a shower, actually. We cooked some stuff... and cooking can be complicated, you see", she explains, "and nobody likes to smell like burned cookies".

Jennie stifles a chuckle with her hand as Jisoo stares at the blonde in worry.

"But she's alright, right?"

The doors of the elevator open when it reaches the tenth floor.

"She's just fine. Actually, she’s pleased with the second tray of cookies".

The three girls enter Rose's apartment as she steps into the living room, still drying her hair with a towel.

"Hi", she blushes with a slight smile.

Jennie greets her cheerfully as Jisoo tries to be subtle about how attractive she founds Rosé sporting messy, wet hair.

A few more minutes pass and the girls are all settled around the table, different dishes sprawled over it. Jisoo doesn't forget to mention how delicious everything looks and to make an extra happy sound while munching chocolate chip cookies.

"So, how are your classes going, Rosie? Jisoo told me you are teaching music at kinder".

Rosé nods quickly, letting her cup of tea on the table.

"They are kind of practice classes for teaching training. It's amazing. There are like, twelve kids in the class and they call me Miss Rosie and everything", her eyes get suddenly soft and Jennie can't help but to smile in return, "They are super talented, honestly. You should see them following a beat. Better than me when I started with music, honestly".

Jisoo looks at the girl mesmerized.

"That's cool. They must love you already", Jennie tells her.

"Well..."

"She received like, three love letters in the first day, and they all stated Rosie is their favorite teacher", Jisoo states, her voice filled with pure pride, "But, I mean, we can't blame them", she adds, blushing immediately after, but smiling as the tallest blonde reaches to squeeze her hand under the table, completely flattered.

Jennie tries to hide an amused smile while she turns towards Lisa, who looks at her knowingly.

"What about you, Lis?", the brunette asks, almost murmuring.

"I'm doing fine", she answers, a soft smile adorning her features.

Jennie raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Too humble. Give me a bit more, please", she demands.

Rosé and Jisoo watch the interaction almost surprised.

"Fine", the blonde rolls her eyes, "I got complimented over an abstract painting we submitted last week. The professor suggested contacting some galleries to talk about the possibility of exhibiting it, but I refused".

"Why?", the tallest brunette asks.

"It's not that good, honestly. I don't know. I'm not feeling that confident".

Jennie makes a sound of displeasure that almost makes Lisa smile again.

"Would you let us see it?"

_Would you let me see it?_

"Probably. Maybe", she answers.

_Fair enough._

"Alright. So, when I see it, I will be able to convince you to exhibit it".

Lisa doesn't need to ask about the logic behind Jennie's statement. It's clear for her.

Rosé and Jisoo remain silent, the oldest girl letting her thumb caress the back of the blonde's hand.

"Probably", the blonde answers again, this time knowing that there are many possibilities of her ending up being defeated by Jennie's puppy eyes, "until then, I may paint something actually good, probably more orientated towards a more impressionist style".

"Oh!", Jennie's eyes shine impossibly bright, "there is this new gallery of impressionist art, have you visited it?"

Lisa opens her mouth, equally excited.

"No! I think I know the place. I've been meaning to go for like, weeks now, but I've been busy with work and uni. Also, Rosie refused to come with me".

"I was busy!", the girl protested.

_With Jisoo, I suppose_ , Jennie thinks.

"We should go", the brunette offers, almost hesitatingly.

Lisa doesn’t even need to think about it.

"Absolutely. This week?"

"Does Wednesday sound good to you? I don't have classes in the morning".

"Me neither!" the blonde is squealing a bit now, and Jennie can't help but to feel super soft, "So it's a deal?"

"Yes", the brunette tells her, and they silently look at each other for maybe too long, until Jennie realizes they are missing a detail there.

"Are you coming too, guys?", she asks Rosé and Jisoo who, in the middle of the whole art gallery conversation, started to chat in a low tone about something Jennie can't really put a finger on, but apparently makes her best friend smile like a schoolgirl.

It takes a moment for both of them to realize they are being addressed directly, and Rosie politely apologizes for not hearing the question.

"We are inviting you to the art gallery I've been gushing about for the past month", Lisa tells her, "On Wednesday morning".

Jisoo and Rosé look at each other for a moment before the pinkish blonde turns to her friend with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, girls, we have some plans".

Lisa just shrugs as Jennie shows Rosé an understanding grin.

"It's alright girls. You go get it. We can go on our own", the brunette states.

Jisoo can only cough loudly as the tallest blonde blushes profusely. Lisa chuckles amusedly and raises her hand to high-five Jennie.

"Well done, Nini", she exclaims without thinking about it.

Jennie giggles, absolutely delighted by the nickname, feeling warm all of the sudden.

" _Nini_?", Jisoo asks, half amused and half surprised, the corners of her mouth twitching up a bit.

"Shut up", Jennie answers, her cheeks a bit pinkish but her heart still soaring.

The shortest brunette drops it, and they all fall again into a comfortable conversation about the possibility of Rosé of moving his golden fish into a bigger aquarium.

Hours later, when Jennie is walking Lisa to her apartment, the blonde apologizes for using her old nickname in front of her friends.

The brunette doesn't resist the impulse of searching for Lisa's hand and squeezing it slightly, stating at the same time that she doesn't mind it at all.

Lisa stares at her for a few seconds, actually, with an unreadable expression on her features, but snaps out of it quickly and gifts Jennie a big smile and a short hug before turning towards the wide, glass door behind her.

The brunette walks home feeling a bit dizzy.

-

Jennie spends the rest of the day cleaning up her apartment, finally feeling motivated to do so.

She is tired once she finishes, the night approaching quickly, but as she stands with her hands on her hips to observe the result of her efforts, she can't help but to feel oddly successful.

Without thinking, Jennie looks for her phone and sends a message.

_Hey, how are you?_

_Clingy, Jennie_ , she thinks. _So not you._

She takes a bottle of water out of her fridge and sits on her table.

_Hey, Jen._  
 _Is everything alright?_  
~  
 _Yes! I don't know, I just felt like texting you._  
 _Are you busy?_

The brunette just stares at her phone, reluctant to stand up. She's truly exhausted.

_Not really. I mean, I should. I'm working right now, but the café is empty. I might not be a good endorser._

_Please_ , Jennie thinks.

She can only guess how many people have been frequenting the café just to get to see Lisa's face again.

She can only guess the amount of phone numbers she has found between one-dollar bills.

The thought does not stirr a nice feeling.

_You are, don't worry. Your coffee is quite nice, too._  
~  
 _Ah, charming as always, miss Kim._  
 _You don't need to._  
 _I already promised to buy some sushi for you._

Jennie bites her lower lip, trying, without any good reason, really, to hide her smile.

_I can´t risk it._   
_What if you decide I'm not worth a non-homemade dinner?_

Lisa doesn't answer immediately, so the brunette guesses she finally has some clients. She decides to take advantage of her free time and take a quick shower.

She pouts a little, feeling her muscles sore, and she had already found enough will to stand up when the screen of her phone lights up once again.

Jennie smiles by instinct, but her expression quickly turns into confusion when realizes she got a message from Woojin.

_Hey. Wanna hang out?_

She frowns.

_Sorry, I'm really tired. Maybe tomorrow?_  
~  
 _Oh, I thought you'd like to see me. I can't tomorrow. Got some things to do._

Jennie tries to concentrate for a moment, knowing well that there's something she's missing.

She searches for the calendar and bites the inside of her cheek as she looks at it, contemplative.

Suddenly, realization strikes her. 

Their anniversary.

Jennie sits on her dining table utterly confused. She never, never forgets important dates. She's been organizing romantic, fun dates for her boyfriend and herself practically each month since the moment they decided to be together. It's just so unlike her to forget something as important as the celebration of the third year of their relationship.

It makes her feel overwhelmingly guilty, a wave of regret striking her. 

_I'm really sorry, Jin. Let me make it up for you on Wednesday._  
~  
 _On Wednesday?_

Jennie wants to cry a bit. She should’ve been better.

_Our anniversary._  
~  
 _Of course, I was just kidding. Alright. I'm free in the morning._

The brunette closes her eyes tightly. _Fuck._

_Alright, got any plans?_  
~  
 _Huh, no? You always plan this stuff, I don't know._  
 _Let's go bowling._

Jennie absolutely despises bowling. She has only been able to knock over two pines in a game during her whole life.

_Alright._  
 _Good, come to mine at about ten._  
~  
 _Alright. How are you, by the way?_

No answer.

Jennie feels pure anxiety coming from the bottom of her stomach to her throat, liquid, burning. 

She receives another message.

_You are worth way more than a non-homemade dinner, don't worry, Nini._   
_Are you alright?_   
_Have you cleaned your apartment already?_

The brunette's hands tremble a bit. She almost drops her cellphone.

_Lis, I'm sorry. I won't be able to go to the art gallery on Wednesday. I've got a date with Woojin for out third anniversary._   
_I'm really sorry. I didn't realize. Maybe we can go another day?_

She waits for the answer impatiently, having to retrain herself from indulging her old habit of biting her nails.

_Jen, don't worry. It's okay. I get it._   
_I'm sorry, though, I've already bought the tickets. They were limited, so I was afraid of being unable to go._   
_I'll sneak some pictures for you if you want!_

Jennie feels hot tears running down her cheeks. She always ruins _everything_ , and Lisa has to be there to pick up the shattered pieces.

_Don't apologize, please. I'm sorry again. I’m a fucking idiot._  
~  
 _Jen, it's okay. Are you feeling alright? Do you want me to call you?_

But Jennie doesn't want to be called, honestly.

She sits down on the floor, still crying.

She has so much to make up for, so many mistakes to fix. But she’s flawed, and she’s a coward, and maybe that’s why so many people dislike her. 

It's just too much.

She spends some more minutes like that, her heart hammering painful against her chest, stabbing. 

-

Many hours later, when she's able to breath evenly again after a long shower, she checks her phone again.

There are some more messages from Lisa, both asking if she's alright and apologizing for being too insistent.

She types an answer that includes an apology, a white lie and some thankful words just as she receives a text from a slightly worried Jisoo.

Jennie just knows Lisa shared her worries with the brunette.

But somehow, rather than making her feel annoyed, Lisa's concert produces an almost foreign feeling of protection she just _really_ needed.

Another hour later, when she's finally able to keep her eyes closed, the feeling still blooms in her heart.

She falls asleep with too many thoughts running on her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever had to apologize for something really bad?


	10. TEN

Jennie sits, head hung low, in a wooden bench in the middle of the night.

It's cold, and the moon is hidden behind heavy black, clouds. The sky lights up for a moment, a single lighting soaring, powerful, but then everything is a shadow again.

There is almost no sound, only the even breathing of her the figure of her dreams sitting beside her, the space between them gelid, almost unsurmountable.

Jennie feels like crying, but she can't. Her hands are shaking lightly and there is an emptiness in her chest so tangible, that if it wasn't for the palpitations that hammer loud in fear, she would think she lost her heart.

And her companion is there, sitting maybe too straight, their figure blurrier than ever.

Jennie struggles and struggles until she finds her own voice.

"You are mad at me".

No answer.

Another lighting crosses the sky.

Jennie closes her eyes. The faint light coming from the lonely lantern besides them flicker weakly.

It won't last long.

"I'm sorry".

There is a moment of silence, and Jennie is almost sure that the figure besides her is going to leave, to disappear in thin air and leave her alone, freezing in the darkness of the night.

But she's wrong.

"Why are you sorry, Jennie?"

The brunette feels sudden tears welling up in her eyes.

A thunder explodes, finally, making Jennie flinch in fear.

"I don't know. I don't want to hurt you".

The figure becomes a little more clear, soft eyes looking into Jennie's, swimming in concern.

"And you are okay with hurting yourself?"

Jennie blinks, utterly confused, a crushing feeling in her chest.

Another thunder.

"Jennie", the voice begins again, full of melting passion, "I just want you to be happy. But you keep hurting yourself, and I'm in pain if you are".

Jennie feels a soft hand squeezing hers tightly.

It doesn't hurt.

"Please, Jennie".

Another thunder rumbles, and suddenly, a rainfall begins to pour harshly, the faint light besides her fighting hopelessly against the impossible.

Jennie wants to apologize again, but the figure shakes their head almost frantically.

"Listen to me, Jen. You deserve to be happy. You do. Let yourself be happy".

The brunette feels somehow unsteady.

She feels as warm arms wrap themselves around her body, desperate, protective.

"Love", a voice murmurs against her ear.

The brunette hums, her hair, her clothes, her cheeks, her heart wet.

She hears soft sobs muffled against her shoulder.

_No, no._

She watches in despair as the tiny light becomes fainter and fainter.

She hears a last thunder.

And everything turns jet black.

-

Jennie wakes up already crying.

She spends twenty minutes choosing her outfit before hastily washing her face.

She takes a deep, deep breath.

She’s not good at bowling. She’s not good at pretending. She’s not good at _anything_. 

_This is supposed to be happy, Jennie. It's your anniversary, for fuck's sake._

The brunette needs to wear extra make-up to hide the dark shadows under her eyes.

Already at the door, she checks her phone.

_Have fun today, Jen._  
_Don't worry, I'll sneak some pictures for you._  
_If the guards catch me, I'll let you know. From prison, probably._

Jennie stares at the screen until it goes black.

She feels a bit better.

-

A shirtless Woojin opens the front door partially, a bit confused before widening his eyes.

Jennie raises an eyebrow.

"Wait a minute!", he half-yells, closing the door quickly.

Jennie is then left outside her boyfriend's house, curious as for why he would feel the need to hide.

He's been her boyfriend for three damn years, after all.

When Woojin finally lets Jennie in, he's wearing a plain black T-shirt, his brunette hair slightly messy.

"Sorry, I fell asleep", he explains.

"Happy anniversary, Jin", Jennie only says, extending towards him the Nike bag she's holding in her right hand.

He smiles crookedly, taking the present eagerly and pecking Jennie lightly.

It was the first real romantic gesture he's shown since, like, the past month, and the brunette just knows she should feel something, anything at least tingling in her heart.

She doesn't.

Woojin gets the shoe box out of the bag still smiling, clearly pleased with her girlfriend's gift. His eye shine when he reveals a pair of white and black sport shoes, and lets out an appreciative whistle.

"Limited edition, huh? You always have to go hard, don't you?"

Jennie forces a smile, still silent.

Something is so, _so_ wrong.

He must have misinterpreted her silence, because he scratches his nose awkwardly before speaking fast.

"Yours is coming. I mean, I ordered it online, and, you know... shipping. I don't want to ruin the surprise, though".

Jennie almost snorts.

She knows he hasn't bought anything. Why would he? Woojin hasn't gifted her _anything_ since their first anniversary.

"It's okay. Ready to go?"

"Actually, I haven't had breakfast yet. Thought you'd come with food".

Jennie purses her lips.

"I didn’t think of it. Sorry".

Woojin runs his fingers through his hair as he moves towards the kitchen.

"Oh, don't worry. I have some donuts left. Just give me five".

The brunette tries not to sigh in annoyance as she sits on a chair, her eyes following his boyfriend while he devours a glazed donut eagerly, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Jennie is reflecting on how his wide appetite could be cute if she weren't waiting impatiently for him to finish eating when she sees it.

It's quite evident, really, almost shinning proudly against his boyfriend's pale skin.

She would almost wonder how she didn’t see it before, but she’s not thinking straight.

The brunette feels as if punched on the guts, and she just stares at Woojin incredulously as he licks his fingers happily.

Jennie tries to make use of all her willpower to think, just to come up with a reasonable explanation as for why his boyfriend is sporting a goddamn hickey on the side of his neck.

But it has to be something else, right?

"So", he begins, his mouth half-full of sweet pastry, "what have you been up to?"

"Woojin", she states lowly, her voice freezing.

The young man looks at her, slight fear suddenly reflected in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Why are you...", Jennie takes a deep breath, "what is _that_ on your neck?"

Woojin frowns, completely confused.

"What do you...?"

His eyes widen suddenly, his left hand quickly trying to cover the accusing mark, his mouth opening widely, gesture that Jennie knows it means he's trying hard to come up with an excuse.

The brunette stands up shakily.

"What is it, Woojin?"

"I don't know what you are talking about", he spits, letting his hand fall to his side.

"You know very well what I'm talking about. I'm referring to the clearly fresh hickey everybody and their moms could see on your neck".

Woojin stands straighter, clear shame burning in his cheeks, but his eyes angrier than Jennie has ever seen them.

"This is not what it looks like".

"For fuck's sake, Woojin. One would think you could come up with something smarter".

Jennie is pure rage as her mind quickly goes back to all the signals, all the red flags she missed almost purposefully.

"Shut up, Jennie. You are talking nonsense".

All the causalities, and the hesitations, and the denials.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Woojin", she demands, standing in front of her boyfriend, her chin raised to look at him on the eyes.

"Fuck you, Jennie. You know _shit_ ".

He could've slapped straight on her face and it would've been just as hurtful.

The brunette tries to contain the hot tears that threaten to escape from her eyes.

"Just tell me the truth. That's all I'm asking for".

"You want the _truth_?", he asks, his tone bitter, cruel, "Here is the truth then. It is a goddamn hickey. I got it just yesterday, while I was spending the night with another girl".

Jennie can only gasp, now finally crying without control.

"And you want to know why, I suppose? Because you are _boring_ , Jennie. Because you are a selfish bitch. Because I wanted to be with a girl and feel _something_ for once, fuck".

_Oh._

"I don't even know why I didn't just leave you. I pitied you, I think. I can only imagine how pathetic your life is when you are alone. Have you ever thought why people don’t like you? Why they just look at you and don’t even _bother_? But you think you are so perfect, don’t you? Damn, I should’ve listened to my friends sooner".

Jennie doesn't answer. 

She doesn't answer because she's too busy trying to control her breathing.

She doesn't answer because she's trying hard not to faint.

And she doesn't answer because she feels that she has nothing to say.

So she looks at her boyfriend in his eyes one more time.

"It's over".

And she runs home.

-

When she opens the door of her own apartment, Jennie's legs finally give out, tears still falling restless from her eyes, her chest completely crushed as her body collapses harshly against the cold floor.

She should have known.

The signals were all there, clear, unhidden, but she didn't want to see.

Two whole years of her life wasted trying to fix a relationship that meant nothing for the person she was fighting for.

And yet, he could be right.

Jennie clasps her hands together tightly.

She is boring. And she is selfish.

She is not good enough.

And she tried, she truly tried to be somebody her family could be proud of. Everybody likes them. Everybody greets them. Everybody knows that the Kims are nice and friendly and lovely.

But Jennie.

Jennie was a weird kid; she didn’t smile as much.

So she grew up to be _better_ , she began to talk to people and go to parties and smile even when she didn’t feel like smiling.

(but she still cries in her room when she goes home because being forced into too many social interactions always makes her anxious)

And now she’s an adult, and she’s living away from home, but she’s still a Kim. She’s still supposed to be as perfect as possible, right?

And she screwed it.

Again.

Jennie feels so desperate, so wrecked, the air seems unable to reach her lungs.

She looks for her phone, the sudden fear of fainting clouding her mind even more.

Jisoo.

No, she's on a date. It's not fair for her.

_Stop being so selfish_ , Jennie.

Lisa.

But Lisa is at the art gallery she wanted to go so, so bad.

Jennie can't barely hold her phone, her hands shaking too much.

_But maybe she's already home._

She checks her messages to find some blurry pictures sent by the blonde, apologizing profusely on a text below, stating that she tried hard but security was looking at her suspiciously.

Jennie is not thinking when she hits the call button.

"Jen? Hi! Sorry again for the pics. Where are you?"

"Lisa..."

Jennie doesn't recognize her own voice.

"Jennie?" she hears the concern laced with Lisa's voice too clearly, "Jen? What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm sorry", she sobs.

"Sorry for what? Are you home Jen?"

Lisa can only hear Jennie's heavy breathing.

"Please answer, Jen. Are you home? Do you want me to go?"

"Yes. But-"

"Leave the door open, Nini. I'm coming".

Jennie lets her phone fall on the floor.

-

When Lisa opens the door of Jennie's apartment, her heart immediately breaks at the sight.

The brunette is sitting on the floor, still trying to catch her breath, her arms hugging her legs tightly.

The blonde rushes by her side, and almost tears up when Jennie looks up at her, so lost, so broken.

"Jennie", she murmurs, her arms automatically embracing the petite girl, trying to keep her in place.

Jennie clings into Lisa, finally anchored, finally less lonely.

"Try to breath with me, Jen".

Lisa takes a deep breath, and the brunette follows automatically. When Lisa lets the air out, Jennie does as well.

After repeating the process a few times, the brunette is finally able to think clearer, the mist in her mind disappearing slowly.

Now she only feels pain.

"Lisa", she exhales, her eyes full of tears once again.

"Nini", the blonde tells her, caressing chocolate hair with a softness that almost puts Jennie to sleep, "Do you want to talk about it?"

_Always gentle, always tender._

"He cheated, Lisa", Jennie sobs, "And then he said some things..."

She can't continue anymore, overwhelmed once again by the fury of her feelings.

Lisa only holds her tighter, her jaw clenched.

How could he?

She tries to control her own anger, which is a hard task with the brunette shaking lightly between her arms.

"He doesn't deserve you", she tells her, and she means it with all her heart.

Jennie sobs a bit more.

"Nini", Lisa begins then, caressing Jennie's cheek, prompting her to open her eyes, "You deserve so much more. I know right now it doesn't feel like that, and it’s okay. Your feelings are valid. I just want you to hear it until you'll able to actually _listen_ ".

"But Lisa", Jennie makes a hesitant pause, "he's not even entirely wrong".

The blonde looks at her friend in pure horror.

"Some of the things he said... I... I can't even blame him".

Lisa needs to take a deep breath, her hand buried between chocolate locks.

"Jennie, love..."

"I'm too selfish and I never know what I want and I'm always talking about the most tedious things, and I'm obsessed with control, and… and you know my family. They are so perfect, Lisa, and so easy-going, and loved, and I’m just-"

"You're perfect".

Jennie denies with her head. Lisa is too kind.

"No, Listen to me, Jennie. You are flawed, of course you are. Shit, we _all_ are. But I met very few people as willing to improve themselves as you are. You are patient, and independent, and loving, and I don't know what that... _guy_ thinks being 'fun' is, but the time I spend with you is always the brightest. I just....", tears begin to fall from Lisa's eyes, surprising Jennie, keeping her silent, "It's so unfair. I wish you could truly see how precious you are, Jen. You are perfect, okay? You are prefect because you deeply care about _everybody_ so much, I _know_ you spend hours crying in your bed after staying strong to comfort somebody. And you are also perfect because you can't stand it when people disorganize the collection of teas you have and never drink. You are perfect with your virtues, and your pet peeves and the small things that make you mad. And that's it. Fuck Woojin and everybody else for ever making you feel otherwise".

Jennie stares at her friend silently, her eyes shining brightly, wondering how in earth could she be as lucky as to have somebody like Lisa in her life.

She still hurts, but it's bearable, her mind still trying to catch every single one of Lisa's words.

It has always been like that. The blonde has caught her during so many painful moments, always lovingly, never asking anything in return.

But she deserves, so, _so_ much.

And the thought she’s been pressing at the back of her mind is now more apparent than ever, the fact that Lisa has always been _there_ , and Jennie hasn’t even apologized for all the shit she put her through. 

And the least she deserves, Jennie considers, her thoughts overlapping, it’s a damn apology.

So she raises her right hand to hold Lisa's soft cheek tenderly, her fear of dejection not overwhelming enough so as to prevent her from opening her heart.

Lisa deserves the whole fucking world.

"I'm sorry", she says, then, as an impulse.

But there’s no taking back now.

Lisa looks at her, perplex.

"You are literally the purest soul I've ever had the chance to meet. The fact that you are here again, with me, being as sweet as ever makes me just extremely grateful. And I don't want to take it for granted anymore".

"Jennie?"

"I want to apologize for everything".

Lisa opens her mouth, ready to convince Jennie that it is no needed, that what happened in the past stays in the past.

But Jennie stands shakily, her hand holding Lisa's almost too tightly.

Which means, Lisa knows, that she's _terrified_.

"Please, Lis. Let me talk. Let me tell you all I want to tell you and then you can tell me all you want to as well".

“But Jen, _now_?”

“It’s a long overdue. I need to apologize. I need to make things right. _Please_ , let me, Lis”.

It's Jennie's determination what makes Lisa nod once before taking a seat on top of her bed.

The brunette takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry I was a fucking idiot".

Lisa chuckles a bit, unable to contain her tears once again.

Jennie searches for chocolate eyes.

"I'm sorry I was insensitive, inconsiderate, and selfish. When you told me you liked me, I just freaked out. It was like... I felt that everything that happened between us was a lie".

The brunette can barely bear the shattered look in Lisa's eyes without breaking down right there.

"It was stupid. I only realized how stupid I was for taking it that way when I grew up. But at that moment...fuck... I was like so confused. You were my only friend and…I was _scared_ , even. I had so many prejudices.... my mom would've been so disappointed. And then I started to hang out with girls which faces I don't even remember, just because I thought it would be smart. I was sure I could just leave you out", Jennie's voice breaks, "cut you out of my life, you know, just like that".

Jennie looks at their entangled hands.

"And then I left", she sobs, "I left without even sending you a fucking message because I was still so scared, so stupid. And I stepped into my apartment on my own for the first time and I spent the whole day crying. And I thought, I tried to convince myself that it was because I missed my family. But the truth is, I missed you so much, Lisa".

Both girls are crying uncontrollably now, their hearts heavy, their hands still together.

"I missed you so, so much, for _years_. I thought about sending you a text like, every day. And then, suddenly, I see you standing there, smiling like you always do, and I just didn’t know what to do".

Jennie makes a long pause that Lisa breaks.

"And then I pretended I didn’t know you".

Jennie smiles.

"I deserved it".

Lisa holds the brunette's chin with utmost care.

"You didn't. That was my mistake and I own it".

Jennie just stares into Lisa's eyes.

"I'm sorry. For everything. For being insensitive and then being a coward".

The blonde leans forwards to pace a kiss on Jennie's forehead.

"And I forgive you. I missed you so much as well, Nini".

Jennie blinks at her friend, almost waiting for something else.

"What?", Lisa asks, a bit amused.

"I'm sorry, it's just... is that it? We're good again?"

The blonde chuckles.

"Well, unless you have any argument against our dramatic reconciliation".

"No, no!" the blonde exclaims, her eyes widening a bit, "I'm just... I don't know how to feel".

Lisa hums softly as she leans her body back. Jennie misses her warmth immediately.

"No wonder. Lots of things happened today".

Jennie frowns at the memory of her ex-boyfriend's infidelity.

"Ah, yes".

"How are you feeling about that?"

The brunette reflects for a moment.

"Right now, I'm more pissed than sad, honestly".

Lisa smiles.

"You can squeeze some of the plushies that you hide in your closet".

Jennie opens her mouth widely before laughing.

"You know me", she tells Lisa, trying to suppress yawn.

She’s exhausted, but she wants Lisa to stay.

"You are tired", the blonde tells her, a bit amused, "I better go".

But Jennie pouts while grasping the blonde's arm.

"Stay?", she asks, puppy eyes on display.

Lisa rolls her eyes, defeated.

"Alright. But just for a while. And only if you lie down".

Jennie complies immediately, quite content with the outcome. She lies her head on top of Lisa's thigh, and the blonde doesn't even blink.

"Tell me about the gallery, please", Jennie asks, knowing that she will fall asleep in five minutes.

"Alright", Lisa answers, running her hands through Jennie's hair, knowing that she will fall asleep in five minutes.

Outside, the sun still shines brightly.

_I’ll make it worth it, Lili, I promise_ , Jennie thinks, before finally letting herself go.


	11. ELEVEN

Jennie is walking calmly on a rocky path that extends beyond. Any other time, she would find growing grass under her feet, but the freezing winter has made it disappear little by little. 

The view is still quite pretty, though. The almost leafless trees have some sort of romantic vibe on them, and the green pines that stand unaffected despite the harsh weather seem prouder than ever.

The blonde takes some time to look around, her body feeling light.

There is no sunlight, gray clouds covering everything above, so Jennie thinks she should be at least a little bit cold, considering that she' just wearing plain jeans and a white t-shirt.

However, she feels warm.

As she reaches the end of the path, she sees a familiar figure sitting on something that reminds Jennie of her grandmother’s favorite tablecloth, chocolate eyes looking at an almost transparent lake many meters beyond.

It takes Jennie out of guard, really, but it's a pleasant surprise. She keeps walking then, not pressured at all, a small smile adorning her face.

"Hi", Jennie greets, sitting just besides the figure, her eyes now facing the calm waters as well.

It's beautiful. The wintry weather is starting to have an impact on the lake, creating a fine layer of ice that seems to glisten under the faint light.

"Hi, Jen", the figure answers, and Jennie feels a hand intertwining with hers automatically.

They stay a while in deep silence, the brunette breathing slowly, her chest full of such pure serenity she feels her eyes closing from time to time.

"Do you like it?”, she asks, half to keep her awake and half because she's truly curious. She lets her free hand run up and down her companion's arm.

"It's beautiful", they murmur with a deep voice. 

Jennie watches as the figure turns towards her, deep chocolate melting.

"Like you", they say, and the brunette smiles, feeing somewhat shy.

"You haven't been around much. It's been like a month", Jennie says, and she feels a soft kiss being placed at the top of her shoulder.

"It wasn't needed. You are happy, aren't you?"

The brunette hums contentedly.

"I'm glad", they answer.

Jennie stays silent for a moment.

"Where do you go? Do you exist here only?"

A breath.

"Do you?"

Jennie has to think for a moment.

"No... I exist... outside".

The brunette lets her companion embrace her side loosely.

"I think I do as well".

Jennie doesn't have time to think, because a soft squeeze on her side makes her giggle automatically.

"Oh, you are ticklish".

It's not a question, really, and they press soft fingers against Jennie's ribs gently, making her fidget a bit, pure laughter now scaping from her mouth.

The brunette fights helplessly, but she doesn't feel uncomfortable at all, the touch she's receiving as soft as ever.

When Jennie presses her hands against her companion's arm, they stop immediately, but the wide smile on their face stays on place.

They look at each other, silent.

Jennie sighs as she hears birds chirping.

Her dream is coming to an end.

"I wish I'd know who you are".

She feels a soft kiss pressed against her forehead.

"I wish you knew as well".

Jennie frowns in determination.

"I will find out, I promise".

A gentle finger caresses the bridge of her nose.

And like that, everything turns light turquoise. 

-

"Did she ask her yet?"

Jennie smiles at Lisa's excitement.

She's lying on her stomach on top of the blonde's bed, Luca enjoying himself between her bended arms, purring loudly as the brunette pets him behind his ears.

"I don't know", she answers, "Jisoo hasn't texted since she told me she was ready. They might be on the way to their honeymoon by now".

Lisa giggles just because she's happy, Jennie knows, and the idea makes her smile softly as well.

"Rosie was starting to get worried. She thought maybe Jisoo didn't like her as much. Imagine. The girl is on the brink of melting every time Rosie looks at her way".

Jennie raises her head to look at the blonde sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, working on an abstract painting of a picture she took herself days ago.

She looks _gorgeous_ , her greyish-golden hair shinning under the light that enters freely throughout the wide window on her side. She pouts slightly without realizing, gesture that means that she's concentrating hard, and her doe yes are staring intently at a blank space, working out ways to fill it in in a proper way.

The brunette stares at her silently, feeling a warm wave inundate her body.

It feels like it felt many, many years ago.

Just right.

"It was time", Jennie murmurs.

Lisa looks up at her with one of her heart-warming smiles.

“Did you say something?”

The brunette merely grins back and shakes her head twice.

“Just mumbling. That looks fantastic, by the way”.

Lisa shrugs as a soft blush begins to extend on her cheeks, still not as used to the many compliments Jennie throws on her way just because.

“It’s because of the acrylics. They are, like, the best of the best”, she looks at the brunette again, “thank you, by the way. You really didn’t have to buy them”.

Jennie lets her eyes enjoy the sight of a slightly flustered Lisa a little more.

“I mean, I kind of had to. For the sake of art, I mean. The best artist out there deserves the best acrylics out there. It’s just natural”.

Lisa blushes even harder.

“Jen!”

And then she chuckles, feeling at a loss of words.

Jennie can only stare at here with a look that drips affection. 

Lisa actually waits a few second before starting to talk again. 

"How are you, by the way?"

The brunette considers for a moment. She reflects on how comfortable Lisa's bed is, how cutely Luca is staring at her, how nice it was to taste true Thai food once again, and, without thinking, she lets her finger run through the collar of the T-shirt the blonde lent her because Jennie's blouse was too tight for the warmth of the apartment.

"I'm really happy", she answers then, and the tallest girl's eyes glisten.

"I'm happy too, then", she answers.

Jennie bites her lip to contain the sudden emotion she feels right in her chest.

She's kind of relieved when her phone vibrates under a now offended Luca.

_Jennie ldfdfkslf_   
_She said yes._   
_We are still in the date and she's choosing an ice cream now but she said yes._   
_And I didn't cry_   
_...too much._   
_I've got a girlfriend now._   
_I can't believe I'm not single anymore and my girlfriend is the most perfect out of all the girlfriends._   
_I'm fangirling and she's coming back, just thank the not-so-blonde twin tower for pushing me to ask Rosie._

Jennie chuckles softly as she types a half-teasing answer. She's sure to include how proud she is of Jisoo.

She knows damn well she deserves it.

"Jisoo asked Rosie and Rosie say yes, as expected. Jisoo is kinda losing it".

Lisa smiles big, clearly pleased by the news, and when she raises her arms to cheer on their friends’ relationship excitedly, the brush she's holding leaves a faint smudge on her right cheek.

Jennie laughs in delight.

"Finally, wow. I mean, it would be quite early for any other couple, maybe, but they seem to be just meant to be. I've never met somebody willing to pay for Rosie's dinner more than once".

"Well I've never met someone willing to sit through a whole session of Jisoo videogaming, so I think they are even".

"Meant to be", Lisa murmurs, her eyes now back on her painting, her brush now diving in white.

"She says thank you, by the way, for telling her to ask Rosie".

Jennie moves slightly, making Luca feel a bit unpleased again, so he just jumps from bed and leaves the room to be alone for a while.

"I seem to be good with relationships... when they are not mine", the blonde states, quite distractedly. Clouds are complex to paint.

Jennie doesn't answer immediately, feeling suddenly a bit upset.

She ponders on the question that threatens to escape from her mouth carefully, but she seems unable to hold it any longer.

"What about the girl Jisoo set you up with?"

_She seems nice_ , she wants to add, but she can't.

"Oh, she's cool", Lisa starts, now more committed to the conversation, "and cute. We texted for a while".

Oh, Jennie wants to say.

Lisa, that's great.

But her mouth is suddenly kind of dry, and she's been trying to be as genuine as possible lately, and she's doing so well that a fixed phrase seems just too plastic at the moment.

_But it shouldn't, Jennie, should it?_

"But she's not my type, honestly. So we stayed as friends. Or acquaintances, really. It's not that we've talked enough to be anything else".

"Oh", Jennie answers this time, finding her voice again, "well that's... fine, I guess. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't".

_What the fuck, Jennie. What were you going for? The award for the lamest answer ever?_

Lisa stares at here in such a serious manner the brunette thinks she might cry.

But suddenly, Lisa breaks in a loud laughter, her head tilted slightly backwards.

Jennie stares at her in confusion, but relieved by the blonde's reaction. Lisa manages to make everything easier.

"Sorry", Lisa begins, trying to stop herself from bursting into laugher once again, "It's just... you are doing good".

"What?" Jennie asks softly.

"This. I know you are still getting used to some stuff, and it's okay. It's so nice to see you being... you".

The brunette doesn't exactly know that she's getting used to, really, but she knows what Lisa means.

"Really? Even if I'm awkward at times?"

Lisa tilts her head in such an affectionate manner it has Jennie's heat hammering against her chest.

"Even so. You are cute, and I know you are trying to make me feel comfortable. You shouldn't be too worried, though. I always feel safe when I'm with you".

The brunette blinks so as not to cry. 

"I do as well. I missed you so much", she says.

There's way more she would like to tell Lisa, but she's kind of still working on it.

"I missed you too", Lisa answers easily, as she stretches her arms over her head. "Damn, painting is hard".

Jennie chuckles just because she finds the way the blonde scrunches her nose absolutely adorable.

"Come rest a bit, then", she offers, moving her body slightly to let Lisa fit besides her.

The blonde complies immediately, happy to change the hard floor for her soft bed.

She imitates Jennie's position, lying on her stomach on top of her blankets, letting her eyes close for a few seconds.

"Your bed is really comfortable", Jennie murmurs, aware of the lack of distance between them.

"I know. I love her. I brought her from Korea".

Jennie smiles. That is Lisa's bed as in the bed they slept on billon times when they were teenagers.

"Did you just call your bed a _her_?", Jennie teases, Lisa's scent caressing her senses sweetly.

The blonde looks at her friend now, her glare being betrayed by the wide smile on her lips.

"Yes? She's been through a lot, you know. I might as well treat her with respect".

So Jennie laughs fully, her eyes small as she slaps Lisa's shoulder gently.

"Hey!" Lisa complains weakly, trying to suppress her own chuckles, "I respect your plushies".

"Because you bought most of them, Lili", Jennie answers easily.

Lisa pouts.

"You are a good business woman. Clever. But hear out this counterargument".

Jennie makes a pause to stare at her friend expectantly.

But Lisa doesn't speak. Instead, she moves slightly to let her fingers run through the brunette's sides quickly, making her squirm sharply as breathless laugher escapes from her mouth.

The shortest girl tries to fight back, but Lisa is merciless. The blonde ends up sitting on Jennie's stomach, then, still grinning widely, but stops immediately once she sees Jennie gasping for air a bit.

So they stay like that, the shorter girl trying to catch her breath, her lungs a bit achy due to the force of her laughter, but not in an unpleasant way.

Lisa could never hurt her like that.

The blonde smiles at her once again, this time in affection, and she's about to move from her sitting position when Jennie starts to caress her thighs lovingly.

The brunette doesn’t think about it immediately, really, her mind finding all those memories of them being in the exact same position many years ago.

"You kinda grew up. You weren't as tall when we were younger".

Lisa raises an eyebrow.

"You disrespected by bed and _now_ my height? Quite offended, here, Jen", she teases.

"No", the brunette answers, marveling in the soft skin under her fingers, "I like your height".

_My face fits right in your neck._

"I did grow a bit, maybe. It's been many years".

"But I haven't", Jennie complains half-heartedly.

She lets her fingers tangle with Lisa's.

"You don't need to".

They look at each other.

"I want a hug", Jennie claims suddenly, and the blonde just smiles.

She lies down besides Jennie and wraps her arms around her tiny waist, the brunette embracing the tallest girl's neck loosely.

It's not ideally comfortable, really, but it's exactly what the brunette wanted, so she stays like that for a second, her fingers running through Lisa's locks slowly.

The blonde moves first, actually, and Jennie has to suppress a pout. She pulls away only slightly, their faces close, their legs entangled.

The brunette stares at Lisa intently, and almost gasps.

She's _so_ gorgeous, and _so_ soft, and _so_ gentle.

The blonde begins to caress Jennie's cheek almost mindlessly, her eyes a bit lost.

Jennie feels her own lips parting just slightly.

_Kiss me_ , she thinks impulsively, and her own thought catches her out of guard.

She opens her eyes lightly, trying to conceal her surprise, but she doesn't move an inch.

"Jennie", Lisa tells her, frowning a bit.

"Yes?"

"Wanna stay for dinner?"

The brunette blinks, a bit startled, feeling the spell she found herself gravitating in lifting up slowly.

But the warmth in her heart stays firm.

"Yes", she answers.

Lisa smiles in such an adorable manner she can't help but to do the same.

-

Jennie stays for dinner, and when dinner is over, she also stays to sleep over.

Long story short, they got caught up in their many, many conversations, so when they checked the time it was already considerably late. The blonde insisted on paying a taxi for Jennie, but the proposal was immediately rejected by the brunette, so the tallest girl suggested that Jennie might as well just stay over, like in the old times, and the brunette didn’t find (nor wanted to find) a single reason to turn down Lisa's idea.

So Jennie is now sitting on Lisa's bed again, another, bigger white T-shirt framing her tiny body, as the blonde gives her a look that the brunette knows too well.

"You are sleeping on your bed", she states, then, without giving Lisa a chance to even start suggesting anything else.

If the blonde is surprised by Jennie's comment, she doesn't show it.

"But there's no need to. I fit pretty comfortably in the livingroom sofa".

The brunette crosses her arms defiantly.

"I'm pretty sure I do as well. If anything, I should be sleeping there".

Lisa opens her eyes almost comically.

"You are my guest, I would never", the blonde answers, and Jennie is immediately reminded of Lisa's mom.

She tries not to smile.

"Well then, got another proposal or should I be the one who suggests sleeping together?"

Lisa blinks perplexed, but she shrugs immediately after.

"If you’re are okay with it, I mean..."

"I could still walk home if you don't like the idea".

Lisa looks at her blankly.

"So, which side you prefer?"

Jennie grins.

"You know I like to feel protected", she murmurs, already getting in Lisa's bed and positioning her body against the white wall.

The blonde smiles fondly, already moving the sheets to fit besides the brunette's body.

"The lights, Lis".

"The lights", Lisa answers, frowning. She gets up to turn them off before lying in bed again.

Jennie looks at her in slight amusement.

She closes the space Lisa purposefully left between her bodies without even thinking about it, letting her head fall on top of her friend’s shoulder.

Her body hums, content, as her eyes begin to close surprisingly fast.

"I told my mum I found you again", she tells the blonde, her thumb caressing Lisa's side almost reverently.

"My mum knows as well. What did yours tell you?"

"She was really happy about it".

Jennie doesn't mention the texts her mom sent her hinting to be _curious_ about her relationship with the blonde.

She certainly doesn't mention the one in which she claimed they would look good together.

"What does your mum think?", and then, she adds, a bit hesitantly, "Is she mad at me?"

"Not at all", Lisa smiles, her fingers running through silk chocolate, "She loves you too much. She asked me tons of things about you. Also, she wants me to know if you are going to Korea next summer".

"I wasn't planning to. Are you?"

"I miss my mum", Lisa explains, almost embarrassed.

"It's alright, babe", Jennie tells her immediately, placing a soft kiss at the side of her jaw, "You are close to your family. It's cute".

The blonde blushes a bit.

"I might tag along then, if you don't mind. I want to see my family as well. And yours".

Lisa turns her head to look at Jennie in the eyes.

The brunette feels a bit dizzy.

"That's nice. It will be nice".

Jennie wants to stay like this, just talking with Lisa about everything they have on their mind, but she can't stop herself from yawning.

The blonde chuckles as she shifts her body a bit.

"Sleeping, love?", she asks, already sleepy herself, feeling somewhat free.

Jennie only hums, cuddling closer to Lisa, the blonde's front pressed against her back.

They don’t say anything for a while, but they know they are both awake.

“Jen?”

“Yes?”

Lisa traces patterns on Jennie’s stomach.

The brunette’s whole body feels tickly. It’s delightful.

“Your family is proud of you, even if they have some difficulties showing it. They are proud because you _are_ somebody to be proud of, and I know it because I’m proud of you myself.

Jennie needs to take a deep breath, an almost knocking feeling of affection blazing in her heart.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me”, the brunette murmurs slowly, trying to put her feelings into words.

Lisa kisses the spot bellow her ear.

It’s enough, and even more.

"Nighty, Nini".

The brunette smiles, a bit hazy already.

"Night, Lis", she answers.

She wonders if it gets any better than that.


	12. TWELVE

Jennie is lying on a silk-soft bed that smells like a blend of fresh mint and slight sweetness. 

She's on her pajamas, a tank top with a space pattern and short black shorts hugging her waist loosely.

Somehow, the clothes feel tight against her body.

It's nighttime, Jennie knows because only the faint grayish light of a full moon is illuminating the room. 

Hovering above her, a very familiar figure stares in her eyes intently, chocolate orbs clouded by something Jennie still can't recognize.

The brunette only knows that she feels really warm.

"Hi", Jennie tells them, as low as she can, afraid of breaking the spell.

"Hi, love", the figure answers, letting their body lean down a bit, allowing Jennie to caress soft cheeks freely.

"You look amazing", the brunette hears, and she blushes lightly, her thumbs still brushing against tender skin. 

Jennie feels the way her heart starts to beat more quickly. 

"Come here", she demands, her voice coming out throatier than she expected, and the figure lets their body press against Jennie’s fully.

The brunette widens her eyes a bit, a rush running from the end of her spine, making her shiver. 

Jennie feels a breath against hers, and her own fingers begin to tickle with impatience, the warmth of her chest now spreading throughout her body. 

She doesn't wait anymore. She _can't_. Her lips press against pink ones almost desperately and in a matter of seconds, she's in the middle of an open-mouthed kiss that leaves her panting slightly.

Jennie's hands trail down slowly until her finds prominent collarbones, and they stay there for a while, caressing left and right.

She feels soft fingers pressing against the skin of her waist just enough to make her gasp slightly, the sound being mirrored by the figure on top of her, and Jennie realizes.

"Girl", she murmurs between kisses, just because, and the female immediately raises her head.

Jennie frowns, letting her arms embrace a lean neck, unconsciously trying to pull the body above hers back down.

Doe eyes stare at her, wide, as if scared, and the brunette only pouts.

"What is it?", she asks.

The girl blinks, full relief beginning to adorn her expression.

"Is this alright?" she asks cautiously.

"You stopping? No. Please, continue".

Jennie receives a perplex look followed by a teasing smile. 

The female lowers down once again then, dragging her lips across the inside of Jennies jaw, making the brunette tilt her head a bit.

Jennie's hands are pressing against the girl's shoulders as her eyes close. A gentle nip at the side of her neck makes her open her mouth instinctively. 

It's _intoxicating_ , both the feeling and the sweet scent, and the brunette knows that everything must feel new.

But it doesn't.

The soft hands caressing the skin above her stomach now that the hem of her tank top has been lifted up doesn't seem unfamiliar at all.

She tilts her head again, her right hand buried in soft blonde hair, and silently claims for another kiss.

The girl complies immediately, taking Jennie's breath away, who opens her legs a bit to let the lean figure fit between them.

She feels a thigh pressing just a bit harder, and the brunette can’t help but to gasp again, this time slightly louder, overwhelmed but in the most delightful well.

"Jennie", the brunette feels against her mouth, and doesn’t even register the mewl that escapes from her own throat.

She's absolutely not thinking at all when she answers.

"Lisa".

And then, everything is clear.

Lisa's doe eyes, her lump lips, her greyish-blonde locks.

The softness of her hands, the absolute adoration of her touch.

The intensity of Jennie's feelings.

The blonde pulls away once again, her soft features shadowed by horror, and the brunette can only stare at her, perplex, as every single piece of the puzzle in her mind falls into its corresponding place.

Jennie feels her heart beating even faster against her chest, her already pinkish cheeks turning into a deeper crimson color, and she remembers having been in a similar situation many years ago, but this time is different.

Because she's not scared.

She's slightly confused, but she's somewhat relieved, knowing that she has finally, _finally_ grasped all that she was missing, unable to see.

Jennie doesn't speak immediately, her mouth still open in slight surprise, and she only snaps out of her stupor when she becomes aware of the tears that coat Lisa's cheeks.

The brunette frowns, concerned.

"Lisa", she tells her, but the blonde doesn't stop crying.

"I'm so sorry, Jen. I thought this one was mine and I didn't stop it. I couldn't. I tried; I swear".

Jennie feels the way the blonde tries to get up, but she doesn't let her. 

Lisa sits on the brunette's thighs then, as Jennie raises the upper part of her body, sitting on the matters, trying her best to catch the blonde's tears with her hands.

"I'm sorry", Lisa sobs hopelessly, and the shorter girl swears she feels her heart breaking.

"What are you sorry for, honey?", she asks.

The blonde loos at her, wrecked, pure confusion plain in her face.

"You...Aren't you disgusted?"

"Of what, Lis?"

"Of this. Of us. Of me", Lisa's voice breaks, and Jennie gaps.

She throws her arms around Lisa's neck to hug her tightly, desperate to comfort her.

"I don't. I would never. You are gorgeous, Lisa, and I love you".

"I know, but this is not... this is not what..."

It's not. It's true.

Or maybe it is.

"I love you. You make me feel good. You make me happy".

Lisa stares into her eyes with a shocked expression.

Jennie pecks her lips, unable to stop herself.

"Jen?"

The brunette caresses the bridge of Lisa's nose lovingly.

When the light that fills the rum turns a bit yellowish, she knows that her dream is ending.

"Thank you", she says then.

"What for?"

"For everything. For being with me".

Lisa smiles sadly.

"So this is a goodbye".

"I don't know. Do you need to keep coming if I get the real-world Lisa?"

The blonde looks at her for a second before smiling widely.

"Who says this isn't real?"

The tone changes.

Jennie chuckles.

"No offense, babe. I just want to kiss you outside here as well".

"This is my dream, then".

The brunette denies with her head.

"No, it's mine. It always has been".

And then, everything turns golden.

-

Jennie wakes up and immediately sits up on her bed.

All she can think about is her dream and _Lisa, Lisa, Lisa_.

It was there, it was always there.

Her feelings, her thoughts, her wishes.

_Everything_ has been twirling around Lisa for so, so long.

And she's realizing just then, and it's nice, and somewhat relieving, and it fills her heart with so much warmth, but at the same time it's a bit overwhelming.

Because she wants to tell her.

She wants to text her right then, but Lisa deserves so much more, the whole world, the best of the best, so Jennie does what she's done since a few months after arriving to New York.

She relies on Jisoo.

Jennie sends a quick message.

_I think I’m love with Lisa._   
_No, wait, I don’t ‘think’._   
_I know I’m in love with her._   
_This might be surprising, but I am._   
_What do I do?_   
_I want to tell her._   
_I'm panicking, Soo._   
_Should I buy some flowers?_   
_Do you think she'll turn me down?_

The brunette throws her phone besides her and just stares at the celling, her mind overflowed by soft stares, and a small nose and the cutest smile ever.

Jennie giggles, her left hand pressing against her mouth so as to stop herself, but she can't.

She feels giddy.

She's still grinning when she checks on her phone.

_It's indeed surprising._  
 _Or it would be, if you didn’t melt in your place every time she stares at you for more than two seconds._   
_Anyways,_  
 _I'm proud._  
 _Can I call you? I can give you amazing romantic advice._  
 _Have you seen my girlfriend after all?_

Jennie giggles again, not entirely sure why, and just tells Jisoo that it's okay for her to call.

Right after, though, she sends another quick text.

_Hey, Lisa!_   
_I hope you are having a lovely morning._   
_Want to hang out today?_   
_I miss you._

The last part is a bit risky, maybe, but it's not something she hasn't told the blonde before.

There's very little Lisa doesn't know about her.

Jennie bites her lower lip this time, trying to pretend to be at least a bit composed as she answers Jisoo's call.

-

Jennie is waiting for Lisa in front of the apartment building, holding a bouquet of daisies in one hand and a box of definitely too expensive milk chocolate truffles on the other.

It's super cheesy, and the brunette knows it, but the memory of the blonde confessing to adore classic romantic gestures some weeks ago is still fresh in Jennie's mind.

She's nervous. She's _really nervous_. She had gone through two almost-major mental breakdowns while buying the gifts with Jisoo a few hours ago, the possibility of Lisa deciding that she is not enough making Jennie feel a bit sick in the stomach.

And the brunette knows that it is only one possibility.

Lisa might had moved on, which is very probable, or she might had decided that Jennie has made too many mistakes for her to consider starting a relationship.

Jisoo had been there, of course, assuring the brunette that, judging only by the way the blonde stared at her when she wasn't looking, Jennie shouldn't be worried in the slightest.

_Girly is head over heels, maybe even as much as you. It's still debatable. I've seen you giving Lisa heart eyes even when she dropped the three pizzas that we spent two hours waiting for on the floor_ , Jisoo had told her.

So Jennie feels kind of reassured.

But she _still_ feels like throwing up, honestly, and both her hands feel a bit clammy, and her knees are definitely shaking lightly as she catches the sight of the gorgeous blonde walking towards her.

Jennie feels enchanted as always as she gets to appreciate Lisa's beauty, and it takes her some seconds to realize that the blonde is already in front of her.

"Hi, Jen!" she greets her cheerfully, and the brunette smiles by instinct.

"Hi, Lis".

"Oh, wow! They are gorgeous, Nini", Lisa exclaims, her curious eyes fixed in the bouquet Jennie still holds awkwardly in her hand, "Who are they from?"

Jennie looks at the flowers almost as if surprised by them and then back at Lisa, shaking her head.

"Oh, no, no. These... they are for you".

"For me?" Lisa asks in a mixture of incredulousness and excitement, "but why?"

Jennie sees the way in which Lisa's eyes light up almost impossibly and almost pats her own back.

She hands Lisa the bouquet, feeling somehow proud.

"Because you are really pretty".

Lisa giggles, unable to hide her delight, and Jennie perceives a pinkish tone covering the tallest girl's cheeks.

"And these are for you as well. They are your favorites", the brunette tells her, offering Lisa the elegant package of chocolates.

"Oh! Thank you so much, Jen", she says, and then, her eyes get a bit less bright, "I don't have anything for you".

The brunette gestures almost frantically with her hands.

"Oh, no. You shouldn't. There is no need. This is a surprise, after all. Don't worry".

"Wait... are you going to deliver some bad news?"

"What? No! I mean...I kind of want to... talk to you. But it's not... bad".

_I hope it's not bad._

Lisa looks at her friend with interest. Jennie is nervous, and Jennie is rarely nervous.

"Okay. Once we are in?" the blonde suggests, already trying to hold the flowers and the chocolates with one hand so she can take Jennie's with the other.

The brunette nods once, trying to seem at least a bit relaxed.

She is not sure of being able to fool Lisa.

They stay in a comfortable silence even while getting inside the blonde's apartment, minus the moment Lisa takes to compliment Jennie's outfit with a lovely smile. The brunette reciprocates immediately, her cheeks practically burning as they both enter the blonde's home.

Luca greets Jennie immediately, happy that one of the few people he likes enough not to bite their hands off came to visit.

"Hello, little boy. Aren't you cute?"

"Thanks for complimenting him", Lisa tells her friend, smiling softly at the interaction, "he needs a confidence boost after Jisoo called him fat last time she was here".

Jennie pouts playfully at a pleased Luca, now petting his head.

"He's alright. He's a healthy boy".

"Hey, get comfortable as always, yeah? Do you want anything?"

Jennie shallows thickly. It's coming.

"Some water, please?"

Lisa looks at Jennie half surprised and half amused. She could hear the fear in her voice.

"Sure. Anything else? A snack?", the blonde askes her, eager to make the brunette feel a bit better.

Jennie sits on Lisa's sofa and Luca immediately jumps on her lap, clearly considering that he hasn't been pampered enough.

"No, Lis. Just water. Thanks".

The blonde smiles and nods before going to the kitchen. 

Jennie realizes then that there is soft tune coming from Lisa's bedroom. She knows that the blonde likes it when the music is low enough for her to concentrate during painting, and the recently cleaned brushes on top of Lisa's coffee table give Jennie enough clues to figure out that she's working on a new piece.

The familiar scent of Lisa's apartment makes her feel somewhat more relaxed, and she looks at the cat still purring loudly on top of her legs for a moment.

"Wish me luck, Luca", she murmurs.

The feline opens his eyes to stare at Jennie, almost as if thinking for a while, and lets out a single meow that the brunette decides to take as a signal.

She smiles, about to tank Luca for his complicity, but Lisa enters the room then, two glasses of water on her hands.

"You are sure you don't want anything else, Jen?", she asks, sitting on the couch besides her friend, their thigs almost touching.

"I'm fine. Seriously. Thanks".

Lisa leaves both glasses on top of the coffee table and the impact makes Luca stir uncomfortably and jump from Jennie's lap.

The blonde's body turns towards the brunette then, her attention solely on her figure.

"So?"

"Yes. Alright".

Jennie can't hide her nervousness. She rubs the palm of her hands against the side of her thighs, and keeps licking and biting her lips in a way Lisa hopes it’s not painful.

"Jen", she tells her, smiling hesitatingly, "you are kind of scaring me".

The brunette sighs as she brings her hands to her face.

"I know, I know. It's just... I don't know where to start".

_Lisa did this when she was sixteen, for fuck's sake. You are a grown woman._

The blonde swallows, her heart beating a bit faster now.

"Are you... pregnant?"

"What?", the brunette opens her eyes almost comically, "No, no. Of course not".

"Oh, then. You told me it wasn't something bad".

Jennie fidgets a bit in her place and Lisa takes her hand by instinct.

"It isn't… it doesn't _have_ to be".

The blonde hums then, letting her thumb caress the back of Jennie's hand, hoping for the brunette to find some sort of comfort then.

She waits. She knows that the sorter girl needs her time, and she definitely knows better than to making her feel more anxious than she already is.

Jennie looks at Lisa right in the eyes, feeling weak, and she finds such an amount of affection swimming in her chocolate orbs that she feels unable to extend it anymore.

"I like you", she says then, and all the other words get stuck in her throat for a while.

Lisa blinks, trying to register her friend's words, but doesn't pull away.

"You mean... I might be a bit..."

"I like you", Jennie begins again, "a lot".

"Okay", the blonde smiles this time, confused but endeared, "but that's still a bit fuzzy, Jen".

"As in I want to date you".

And then Lisa understands.

Jennie watches closely as the blonde's expression change from fondness to shock, her lips slightly parted.

She waits, absolutely terrified, ready to apologize for basically every little thing she has done wrong in the past, but then Lisa stutters before speaking.

"I... can you expand a bit on that? I'm still... You like me?", she sounds breathless, and her hand squeezes Jennie's.

The brunette stumbles in the stream of words that are eager to come out of her mouth. 

"I do. I like you so much and I've been feeling this way for a long time apparently, but I've only realized today, and I'm not even sure I didn't like you this way when we were teenagers, honestly, because I think about it and everything makes sense, like, the way I’ve always wanted to be all the time with you and hug you and-"

"Jennie, baby, please breath", Lisa interrupts.

The brunette looks at her, tears already welling up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry".

Lisa looks at her for a moment, her eyes glistening as well.

"I'm sorry, Lisa, I-".

"You like me", the blonde tells her with a smile, "as girlfriends".

It's so cheesy Jennie would smile if she wasn't freaking out.

"Yes".

"Are you sure?"

"Yes".

"But you just figured out".

"Because… I think I was in denial. I mean, who wouldn't like you, you are... wow, like, perfect".

Jennie wants to punch herself straight in the face. This is definitely not the moment for her lexis to fail so miserably.

But then she hears Lisa giggle in the cutest way ever so maybe not everything is lost.

"Are you, like, a hundred percent sure?"

"Yes. I’m sure. But I'd understand if you... It's okay if you don't like me back anymore. We can be friends, right?"

Lisa suddenly becomes serious.

"You want to be friends?"

"No!", Jennie exclaims, but then she considers for a moment, "I mean, not _ideally_ I guess, but of course you... this is your decision as well".

She feels so awkward and unable to control herself that she has to make an effort so as not to burst into tears. But suddenly, Lisa holds her right cheek with her hand, staring at her with a loving expression.

"You are so cute. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you nervous, it's just... I'm amazed. I can't believe it".

Jennie stays silent, but places her hand on top of Lisa's.

"I convinced myself this would never happen, and you are here telling me this".

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was terrified. I mean, you were all I could think about... you _have been_ all I can think about for years, really, but I thought it was only because I felt terribly guilty. And I did. But there was always something else I couldn't put my finger on, and when I did realize I just rushed here to tell you because I couldn't take it anymore. You've always been as honest as you could with me, Lisa. Now, I’m trying to be honest with myself and honest with everyone I care about. And I care about you deeply, as you can guess".

Lisa doesn't answer. She simply presses her forehead against Jennie's.

"It's okay if you don't want to be with me after all this. I just want you by my side. You make me happy".

The blonde leans back a bit to lift Jennie's chin slightly, making her look into her eyes.

"What makes you think I wouldn’t want to be with you? You told me that I make you happy, and now I'm telling you that you make _me_ happy. We make each other happy. I don't know what is your criteria for a good relationship, but that's about mine".

Jennie stares at Lisa with pure excitement shinning in her cat-like eyes.

"Wait, you... you mean it? You want to be with me?", and she smiles big, unable to stop herself.

Lisa chuckles out of pure glee, pulling Jennie into a tight hug, their heartbeats against each other.

"I do. I want to give us a try", she makes a pause, "but there are some things we need to talk about, probably".

The brunette pulls away, but stays close.

"Maybe... on a date?"

Lisa raises her eyebrows teasingly.

"Sneaky. Didn't expect less from miss Kim".

Her fingers run through the brunette's hair, who's still smiling from ear to ear.

"Can I be a bit daring now, and suggest the date to be tomorrow at five?"

"You can. I accept your suggestion".

Jennie bites her lower lip to contain a girlish squeal, delight rushing through her veins.

They look at each other more seriously now, the atmosphere shifting a bit.

The brunette's eyes flicker to Lisa's lips, and the warm feeling in her heart burns more intensely.

"I want to be more daring", she tells the brunette, her voice coming out in a breathless rush. 

"Go for it, then", the blonde answers, her tone deep.

Jennie licks her own lips.

"Can I kiss you?"

Lisa leans forwards to let her mouth gaze against Jennie's, and the brunette feels a shiver that runs through her whole spine. 

"Yes", Lisa breathes, and the shortest girl doesn't have to stop herself anymore.

Their lips meet softly, experimental, mint and chocolate and something else Jennie can't still put a name on but already loves overwhelms her senses in the most delightful way.

The brunette feels as her heart hammer steadily against her chest, almost as if chanting in relief.

_This is it; this is it; this is it._

When the blonde tilts her head just a bit to find another angle, Jennie puts a hand on top of Lisa's shoulder just to be sure that she's actually there, that she' real, that she's not a dream.

It's everything that she's ever wanted, really, everything that she’s never felt, and the brunette doesn’t need any other proof to confirm that they are just meant to be. 

They keep kissing slowly, trying to extend the moment as long as possible, swimming in euphoria.

Jennie pulls away eventually, feeling giddy, but she pecks Lisa twice immediately after, beaming, feeling free.

"I'm so fucking lucky", she breathes without realizing, and Lisa giggles.

"You like me", she murmurs in amazement.

"I do. A lot".

Jennie stares at her, completely enchanted.

"I like you too, I mean, it's quite evident..."

"But I love to hear it".

"Good", Lisa tells her then, and gets closer and closer until their lips brush lightly against each other, "I like you", she says, and pecks Jennie softly, "I like you", and she kisses her again.

Jennie wonders if it is possible actually burst in joy.

"You are crying", Lisa tells her then, her thumb trying to catch Jennie's tears.

"I'm the happiest woman alive", the brunette answers, no filter, no restrictions, just herself.

"After me, you mean", the blonde teases, and Jennie kisses her cheek.

"Oh, no. We are going to be one of those couples..."

"Jisoo won't let us live".

Jennie pouts lightly, but quickly brightens up again as Lisa pulls her into a cuddle.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"Yes, but I have to go home after. I have a date to plan."

"Oh? Who with?"

"A gorgeous girl. I have to work had for that one. She deserves the best".

"Really?" Lisa asks, and leans in to kiss Jennie once again, charmed by the brunette's words.

She tries to pull away some seconds after, but the shortest girl keeps her in place by holding her face between her small hands.

Not like Lisa would be opposed, anyway.

When they make a pause, Jennie smiles, feeling dizzy.

"I've got to tell Jisoo before she blows up my phone". 

“You tell her you were doing this?”

Jennie blushes, suddenly shy again.

“Yeah. I needed some support”.

Lisa hums, grinning softly, caressing the bridge of Jennie’s nose with the pad of her finger. 

"I should check mine too. If she told Rosie, she must be bombarding me with texts as well".

"And then we cuddle?"

"In my scenario, we answer their messages cuddling already".

"Oh", Jennie tells her, pressing her head against Lisa's shoulder again, "I like your scenario better".

The blonde leaves a kiss against Jennie's temple.

Outside, the warm light of a golden sun announces an end.

And also, a beginning.


	13. THIRTEEN

Jennie is standing in front of Lisa's apartment building with the palms of her hands a bit clammy, proof of the nervous feeling that tightens her throat slightly. 

But it's not unpleasant. It reminds Jennie of the thrilling sensation that made her fingers tingly when she was about to land in New York almost six years go. It makes her remember the moment her grandmother convinced her to learn how to swim, claiming that it was going to be one of the few things not her body nor her mind were going to forget. It makes her think about the first time she went on a rollercoaster, Lisa right on her side, holding her hand tightly. 

It makes Jennie reflect about all those moments in which taking a risk was absolutely worth it, and she has no doubt that the new relationship she’s starting to build with Lisa is just another one of those.

The brunette bites her lip then, trying to contain a smile, letting the sun kiss her skin. She's wearing a white top with black, skinny pants and a limited version of a Chanel jacket even herself was unsure to buy due to its prize. She tried to go for something simple yet fashionable, keeping comfort in her mind as Lisa had texted her the night before asking for the right to organize the first half of their date. Jennie was not disappointed at all. Actually, she would blush if she had to admit how romantically appealing the idea of a collaborative-planned first date was from her perspective, and how truly grateful she felt for it.

Jennie checks the time just _because_ , given the fact that she texted Lisa barely three minutes go, but it was some sort of way of finding enough strength not to melt completely at the sight of her soon-to-be lover.

The brunette realizes that it's kind of useless, really, because as she sees her date opening the front door of the building, her heart begins to hammer against her chest and her knees weaken a bit.

There she is, Lisa, with her gorgeous facial features and her hair dyed in a jet-black color that makes her look too attractive. The leather jacket that hugs her body just in the right places definitely does not help Jennie to get over the dumbfound state her mind is swimming in at the moment.

The dark-haired girl gets closer to Jennie, her mouth slightly open as she stares at her in a dreamy manner.

"You look amazing”, Lisa murmurs when she is in front of the shortest brunette, and the suddenly deep voice mask Jennie snap out of her stupor.

"You look... _wow_. You are stunning. Like a model. Like the most gorgeous model. Wow".

Jennie knows she's practically babbling at the moment, but Lisa doesn't seem to care, as a soft chuckle escapes from her mouth.

"Really? I know you liked the blonde hair, but I wanted to try something different. I mean, it probably doesn't suit me very-"

"You look hot as hell".

Lisa stares at Jennie with an amused expression as the brunette blushes profusely.

She gets even closer, her arms embracing the shortest girl's shoulders as her eyes shine intently.

"Really? And how do I look like with my blonde hair?"

"Hot as hell...with blonde hair".

Lisa laughs loudly, unable to contain herself, and Jennie giggles as well, happy with her achievement.

The dark-haired girl looks at the brunette right in the eyes then, still smiling.

"You look hot as well".

Jennie leans forwards to peck Lisa softly, and when she pulls away quickly, the tallest girl pouts.

"I want to work for my kisses", she explains, and Lisa doesn't complain, really.

She's just amazed by romantic Jennie. 

"No, but seriously, you look absolutely gorgeous".

"Thank you, pretty girl", the dark-haired girl leans forward to peck Jennie's nose lovingly.

Jennie hums, her cheeks apparently permanently pink now, and she hands Lisa an elegant bag with the gift she spent about three hours choosing.

"This is for you".

"Aw, baby, you didn't have to", Lisa tells her, the corners of her eyes a bit wrinkled, proof of the absolutely joyful feeling pooling from her heart.

She opens the package to reveal probably the most beautiful wristwatch she has ever seen, and the gasp that escapes from her mouth when she sees it is genuine.

"Nini, it's beautiful", she mumbles.

Jennie smiles, satisfied by Lisa's reaction. She helps the tallest girl in her task of putting it on, her fingers tickling when in contact with Lisa's skin.

"I'm glad you like it", she murmurs then, and the youngest girl places a soft kiss on her lips, unable to hold it in longer.

"You've earned it".

"One more?"

Lisa doesn't make her wait, this time puling Jennie into a slow, grateful kiss.

"This is already the best date I've ever had".

The dark-haired girl chuckles.

"That reminds me... I have something for you as well".

The brunette smiles immediately, the pad of her fingers tingling with the prospect of the surprise.

"Yeah?"

And Lisa notices immediately, really, as the shortest girl’s eyes shine just adorably, so she hands Jennie the envelope she hid on the back pocket of her jeans.

"This is for the first half of our date, if you'd like".

Jennie opens her gift quickly, excited, and she actually feels tears prickling in her eyes when she reveals it.

Two tickets for one of the places she's always wanted to visit.

"Lisa", she starts, her heart full of love and pure appreciation for the girl's gesture, "but you've visited the gallery already. Is it okay for you to go again?"

"Of course, babe. There are lots of things to see. And you know I love to hear you talk about art. You have such a deep, unique understanding of it, it's always inspirational".

Jennie doesn't even try so stop her tears, neither the sudden urge for a soft kiss. Lisa complies without hesitation.

"Are you okay? Want to do something else?"

"It's perfect", the brunette murmurs then, her eyes closed, her forehead against Lisa's, "you are perfect".

" _Mmh_ , talking to yourself, I see".

Jennie doesn't answer, but just allows herself to relish in the feelings that Lisa's pure adoration produce in her whole body.

The tallest girl doesn’t rush her, just runs her fingers through deep chocolate, feeling like the luckiest girl ever.

When the brunette is ready, she opens her eyes to find Lisa staring at her intently.

"Let's go?"

"Yes. I think the lady living on the floor above mine is spying throughout the window. She asked if you were my girlfriend twice before you confessed, so I told her you weren't. I'm afraid she'll get mad at me and stop sending me pieces of cake on Wednesdays if she finds out we are dating".

Jennie laughs openly, a bit giddy with the realization that, at some point, she might be able to call Lisa her girlfriend.

"Let's go, love".

I mean, it’s not like they have a _long_ way to go, anyway. 

-

"Lis, look at that one. Wow".

Jennie points to a wide canvas with the painting of a flower-covered road that extends towards the horizon. It's quite simple at first sight, but beyond the vibrant mixture of colors, each brush seems to hold such a level of detail that the brunette feels simply captivated.

Lisa stares at the canvas for a while, truly appreciating it as well, but then, she can't stop herself from turning towards Jennie, who's still in some sort of artistic trance, her chocolate eyes bright and her mouth slightly open.

It makes the tallest girl's heart beat loudly against her chest. 

If Jennie wasn't perfection, she was the closest to it any human being could be.

"It's beautiful", Lisa concedes then, considering that the gorgeous girl deserves an appropriate answer, "you really like these kind of paintings".

"I like bright colors", the brunette answers then, and turns to look at the tallest girl.

The light of her eyes never diminishes.

"But not for clothing", Lisa tells her, taking the shortest girl's hand in hers without even thinking much about it.

Jennie notices, and she's delighted.

"Not for clothing, just for... art, I guess".

They began walking side by side, enjoying each other's company, looking at the many paintings around them with interest.

"But it _is_ a form of art, isn't it? Fashion in general. Combining colors and fabrics and styles. Maybe that's why you have such a great eye for it. You are an artist yourself", Lisa tells Jennie, and the brunette needs a few seconds to recover from the rush of warmth the comment produces in her heart.

She kind of feels like tearing up, really, out of pure happiness, and contents herself with squeezing the dark-haired girl's hand a bit.

"That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever been told".

Lisa looks at her, a bit surprised.

"It's true. I don't know why I didn't tell you before, honestly", she makes a pause, reflecting, "but I'm working on sharing my feelings more often".

"Yes?"

"Yeah. I'm going to start voicing my thoughts, so be ready for lots of compliments".

Jennie giggles shyly.

"Do I get lots of compliments in your head?"

Lisa blushes only slightly. 

"Well, it's not my fault, really", she teases then, smiling, "maybe if _somebody_ stopped being so amazing for a second..."

Jennie bites her lower lip, and looks around quickly before kissing Lisa's cheek.

"You are amazing. I'm also working on my feelings, you know?"

The tallest girl can tell, obviously, but she knows Jennie wants to share her process.

"Is that so, baby?"

"Yes. I'm at the beginning, though. I'm working on understanding them, first. And letting myself feel them".

"And how's the outcome?" Lisa asks, genuinely curious.

"It's even better than I thought it would be", the brunette stares at the tallest girl then, a soft smile adorning her sharp features, "I'm really happy. I know that for sure".

Lisa grins widely, full of joy as well, as they stop in front of a painting portraying a woman holding an umbrella in soft tones of blue and green.

They stare at it, silently, comfortable.

"This one is beautiful as well".

"I know, right? You can almost feel the breeze that rustles the grass".

Jennie hums in agreement.

"Can I ask you something, babe?"

The brunette tries not to smile too widely at the nickname.

"Yes, love".

"You've wanted to come here since you first came to New York. Why waiting so long, then? I mean, you could've come at some point, right?"

Jennie feels herself blushing already.

"I... I didn't want to come alone, I guess".

Lisa brings her free and to caress Jennie's cheek in comfort.

"Oh".

"I mean, I've always thought... this is silly, please don't laugh".

"I would never", Lisa frowns.

"I've always considered art galleries to be kind of... romantic. Or at least the kind of place you go with somebody important, you see? Because you get to share your perspectives, and just talk, and admire the art... I don't know, it's probably me thinking too much into it".

The tallest girl feels absolute endearment making her knees a bit weak.

"To much? Are you telling _me_ , an art lover, that considering art galleries to be romantic is _too much_? Too much perfect, maybe! Just like you, apparently. I don't even know how I got this lucky".

Jennie smiles showing her gums then, her cheeks blushing in the cutest way, and tiptoes girlishly to peck Lisa's lips repeatedly.

The tallest girl giggles between kisses, beaming.

When the brunette decides it’s enough (it never seems to be, really), she looks at Lisa right in the eyes.

"I can't believe I didn't realize you were the one for me before".

"But we are here now, right?"

Lisa holds Jennie's face delicately between her hands.

"We are. And I'm staying. So please, stay?"

The dark-haired girl doesn’t have to even think about it.

"Yes", she says, and leans forward to kiss Jennie's forehead softly.

Lisa stares at her for a second before leaning in to whisper in her ear.

"The lady a few meters behind us keep looking at us. I don't know if she thinks we are cute or she want us gone".

"She kind of gave me a thumbs up and some eyebrows wiggles when you were not looking, so I think it's the first option".

Lisa laughs a bit too loudly.

"Ready for the second part of our date, miss Manoban? Or do you want to keep staring at the art a bit longer?"

"I'm ready to go, honey, but I'm afraid of security not letting me do so".

"What? Why?"

Lisa stares at Jennie seriously, her expression slightly concerning.

"I'm taking a masterpiece with me".

The brunette hits Lisa's shoulder softly biting the inside of her cheeks, her eyes shining in such a way the tallest girl considers her flirty comment to be successful.

"You are so cheesy!"

"I'm feeling inspired, love!"

Jennie groans a bit, so happy that her heart flutters, and she hides her face in the crook of Lisa's neck.

When she peeks around, the lady the tallest girl mentioned before is staring at her again, this time gesturing towards her ring finger with a wide smile.

Jennie knows what it means.

_She is the one._

So the brunette smiles back and nods once, determined.

"Ready, babe?"

"Yes, Lili. Hope you are hungry".

"I am starving", Lisa answers, and they make their way outside the gallery, their hands clasped together.

And their hearts full.

-

"We're almost there, love", Jennie murmurs.

They are walking through a clean stone path along the waterfront of one of the wealthiest parts of the city.

Lisa is looking around excitedly, taking in her surroundings, letting her gaze linger in the way in which the clean sea meets the now changing sky.

Jennie is smiling softly without realizing, watching the beginning of the sunset reflecting just wonderfully in Lisa's eyes.

Their fingers are intertwined, they've been since Jennie decided to park her car to walk to their destination, and she knows that the dark-haired girl is making an effort to keep her slow pace.

It fills her chest with pure love.

"It's okay. I really like this. I've never been at this side of the city before. It's beautiful".

Lisa turns to look at the brunette and her breath literally itches when she catches the sight of the golden sunlight kissing Jennie's skin. 

The shortest girl stares back, clearly content with the tallest girl's comment.

"I'm glad you like it, babe"

Lisa stays silent for a minute, still walking at Jennie's side, still looking at her with glistening eyes.

"You're the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen", she mumbles then, and the brunette widens her eyes before chucking slightly.

"Oh, are you trying to charm me?"

"I always am", Lisa answers with a dopey smile, and kisses the palm of Jennie's hand, "but it's true. You are like, ethereal level of beauty. Are you an angel, babe?"

"No", the brunette protests, hitting the tallest girl's shoulder playfully, "Please stop with that. I shouldn't be blushing at you being overly cheesy".

"I'll only obey because you are clearly a superior being".

Jennie bits her lip as she rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

She can almost hear Jisoo whispering _whipped_ in her ear.

"Oh, look, here we are", she says then, as they both start approaching a group of wooden picnic tables.

Only one of them is set, two wine glasses, a bottle of rosé, and a picnic basket on top of a white tablecloth.

Lisa looks at the setting for a few seconds before turning to Jennie again, her doe eyes shinny.

"Is this for us?"

"Yes, babe. Do you like it?"

The dark-haired girl smiles big and squeezes Jennie's hand softly, dragging her a bit to take a better look at the table without letting her go.

"Jennie, this is beautiful!"

The brunette smiles in satisfaction as she sits down, prompting Lisa to do the same just in front of her.

"Oh! And we get to see the sunset!", the tallest girl exclaims, turning her head a bit to watch the sun's slow departure.

"I know. It's kind of cool right?"

Lisa smiles at Jennie then, tilting her face lightly.

"It's gorgeous, and sweet, and I love it. How did you manage to get everything ready?"

"The girls helped. They set the table, actually".

The dark-haired girl narrows her eyes as she analyzes the setting once again.

"On their own?", she asks.

"I might have sent a picture of how I wanted it..."

"Ah! You see? The eye of an artist. I knew it", Lisa states proudly then, and Jennie can't help but to feel a confidence boost.

The tallest girl takes her hand once again then, missing the skinship.

"It's really wonderful Jen. Thank you so much for this", she murmurs, and kisses the back of the brunette's hand reverently.

"Well, you haven't tried the food yet. It might be awful".

Lisa looks at her in surprise.

"You made it yourself?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's just... sandwiches".

Jennie looks a little embarrassed, which makes the tallest girl squeeze the brunette's fingers between hers.

"I love sandwiches".

The shortest girl opens the picnic casket then, as Lisa pours some wine on their glasses.

"Here", Jennie says, and opens the envelope that contains the food.

"Jen, those are _gourmet_ sandwiches", the tallest girl murmurs then, feeling her stomach grumble with sudden hunger.

"Well... I have some decency".

The dark-haired girl laughs openly then.

It's been _years_ , and Jennie still manages to surprise her.

"They look delicious", Lisa tells her, as she grabs one sandwich and takes a big bite.

She hums loudly in appreciation, and Jennie knows she's being sincere because of the slight wrinkles that appear at the corner of her eyes.

_Well done, Kim._

And they begin to eat, then, as they engage in a casual, comfortable conversation, happy under the golden light, relishing on the feeling of being completely in tune with each other.

"So, Jisoo didn't find it strange?"

"What?", Jennie asks.

"Us...dating, you know".

Jennie snorts, clearly amused by Lisa's adorable hesitation.

"No at all. Yesterday, twenty minutes after I got home, she appeared on my front door with a cake literally decorated with the phrase _I told you girls are cuter_ ".

Lisa chokes in her wine as a chuckle escapes from her mouth.

"And your parents? Do they know?"

Jennie reaches out with her hand motioning Lisa to take it.

"Yes. Mom sent me an audio literally squeaking in happiness. Dad was a bit more surprised... until he remembered how we used to choose my single bed over the king-sized one in the guests' room during our pajama parties".

The dark-haired girl smiles a little.

"I'm glad they are okay with it. I was a bit afraid of your dad, honestly", she thinks for a moment before widening her eyes a bit, "Oh! He must think..."

She blushes hard, and Jennie bits her lower lip so as not to laugh loudly.

"Well... he might have his ideas..."

"Oh! But we didn't. I mean, it wasn't like that. You didn't even like me", Lisa exclaims, her words coming out in a rush.

Jennie stares at her silently for a second.

"You know... I'm not sure about my feelings back then. I was dating all those anti-soap boys, true, but... you were always _there_ , you know?"

Lisa lets her chin rest on the palm of her right hand, listening intently.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean... I kind of hated all those guys that kept flirting with you unsuccessfully".

"Nini, there weren't that many", Lisa complains then, her voice whiny.

"There were! And that girl that didn't leave your side during my last year..."

Jennie doesn't realize she's kind of pouting.

"We were just friends, I swear!"

"But she liked you", the brunette tells her, eyes narrowing.

Lisa shrugs once before kissing Jennie's knuckles.

"What about now, Jen?"

"Now I feel like I might burst with happiness", the shortest girl mumbles, clearly affected by Lisa's sweet gesture.

The tallest girl giggles.

"And I'm happy as well, babe. But I was talking about your feelings, you know, right now. Towards us".

"Now"... Jennie begins slowly, melting under Lisa’s soft eyes, "I know I’m the luckiest person ever because I'm on a date with the most talented, gorgeous, considerate girl who just happens to be my childhood friend. And I'm a bit frustrated as well because I can't wait to ask her to be my girlfriend, but it might be too early".

Lisa's eyes become a bit teary, a shocking wave of fondness making her lean forwards quickly to peck Jennie a few times.

"Do you really think it's too early?"

"Not really, I think it's an overdue, actually, but I'm just trying to find an excuse to take you out on another date".

The tallest girl beams.

"Sit by my side", she murmurs, and Jennie complies.

They cuddle for a while, Lisa's arm around Jennie's waist as the brunette leans her head against her shoulder.

They both move their bodies so they are able to look at the sunset, the colors playing in the sky somehow prettier than ever.

"You know?" Lisa tells Jennie, her voice velvety, "I've been dreaming about you".

The brunette blinks, her heart beating faster.

"Yes?" she asks then, breathless.

"Yes. I know it's kind of weird, but it started even before we saw each other again".

Jennie turns then, looking at Lisa in the eyes.

"I've been dreaming about you as well".

It makes sense, somehow.

"Really?" Lisa asks her, surprised.

"Yes", Jennie tells her, and her eyes begin to prickle a bit. 

"Honey?" the tallest girl asks, her free hand quick to catch the brunette's tears, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. It's just... we are meant to be. This is going to work".

Lisa frowns lightly, but smiles nevertheless.

"Oh? Really? So, that's good then".

Jennie chuckles.

"Yes. I'm being all... _extra_ , but..."

Lisa kisses her.

"Not at all, honey. Or maybe you are. I don't care. I like it".

The brunette smiles big then, her gums showing, and Lisa presses their foreheads together.

"I mean... it's kind of curious how you want to wait for our second date to ask me to be your girlfriend but you practically tell me we are soulmates on the first one..."

She's teasing, and Jennie can tell.

"Lisa", she whines, but doesn't pull away, "I have the date planned already, that's why".

She pouts, knowing she can disarm her lover.

Lisa doesn't even put a fight, just begins to press soft kisses against Jennie's face.

The brunette giggles without control, filled with the purest elation.

The sky turns purple, and blue, and yellow, and pink.

The sun keeps departing, slowly.

The next time it rises, it will be summer already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is coming out a few hours before my birthday. I didn't plan it, but it's a nice surprise. Thank you for going through this small journey with me. I'll keep working hard to write better stories! <3


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